Boooooring

I don't really blog anymore and I really do have a few things to blog about!
I went to Alaska and saw Branden, and Amber and the kids. I loved it and although we didn't do anything earth shattering, we did have a fun time together and I need to write it down so I remember.
My Alaska kids went through an earthquake! It was crazy and scary and they did so great.  But I worry.
I went to Hawaii. Yes, that is the second time so that is pretty lucky.  It was fun and warm and relaxing. We did some stuff.  Need to write it down.
I started the pantry and, well, it's not done yet. I have feelings and thoughts about this as well, as you might imagine.
I put up some of my christmas decorations, but not very many. The house feels kind of torn apart so I just didn't feel up to the whole thing. But I did put my "outdoor" tree in the house this year (it's right by the kitchen table really). I put some decorations on it that I haven't used in years and, even though I kind of miss having a tree on my back porch, I love having this tree in the house.  So that's fun.
Kinda boring though.
I'm kinda boring and have been for years.
I like it though, I'll be honest.
I've been binge watching Parenthood and I'm trying to read the entire Book of Mormon before the end of December.  These are the things I do with my free time.
I will still blog those things I mentioned before...eventually. (hopefully before the end of the year...so that's a goal)
That's it.

Biting the bullet

That is a weird saying and I don't know where it comes from.  I will have to google that.

I did it, though. I bit the bullet and decided to build the pantry!

I'm excited and scared that I will have buyers remorse (but so much worse) after it is done.
The wall is up and I have already noticed that when I work in the kitchen I am used to looking outside through the front room window, which is now not visible.  I will have to put up a nice picture or something on that wall I guess. :-P

The front room looks so different with a wall there but I still enjoy that room just as much as in the past. Well, currently it's in disarray and dusty, so not that enjoyable, but I know that I will enjoy it when it goes back to it's original state.

I moved my yellow dresser as well as the table and chairs into the basement for a new area for game playing. We don't use our basement a whole heck of a lot really other than Frank's office so if we actually go down there to play games, that will be good.  Or we might just use the dining table for games now, which I will admit we have done many times in the past even when we had the other dining room available.

I moved my buffet from the dining room to the entryway. I like it there (but I would like it anywhere because it's my favorite!) but now I have a blue rug and a blue buffet in the entryway which might not be my favorite. We'll see.

I am imagining putting so many different things in this pantry that I might actually have trouble fitting it all, even though it's a pretty big room (for a closet).

Now I'm trying to decide if I should keep the pantry doors white or paint them some fun color.
_____

From Wikepedia:

To "bite the bullet" is to endure a painful or otherwise unpleasant situation that is seen as unavoidable.^[1] The phrase was first recorded by Rudyard Kipling in his 1891 novel The Light that Failed.^[1]

It was suggested by the movie Bite the Bullet that biting the bullet meant using a shell casing to cover an aching tooth, especially one that had been broken, and where a nerve is exposed. In the film, the slug was removed from the bullet, the cap was hit to expend that charge, and the casing was cut down to allow it to sit level with the other teeth.

It is often stated that it is derived historically from the practice of having a patient clench a bullet in his or her teeth as a way to cope with the extreme pain of a surgical procedure without anesthetic, though evidence for biting a bullet rather than a leather strap during surgery is sparse.^[1] It has been speculated to have evolved from the British empire expression "to bite the cartridge", which dates to the Indian Rebellion of 1857, but the phrase "chew a bullet", with a similar meaning, dates to at least 1796.^[1]

Sunday Musings

It's Sunday afternoon and I just finished watching conference.  It was a good conference and I really love President Russell M Nelson.  He seems so down to earth and friendly but at the same time, I can just feel it when he speaks prophetically.

Yesterday we watched conference with both the Peterson family and the Peters family as well as Carter who came down from college. It was so much fun to be with the old friends from Massachusetts. They feel so much like family now and I miss our regular get-togethers. But the Petersons are in Logan and the Peters are now in Arizona so we can see them somewhat frequently.   We barbecued and chatted and played games and did puzzles and watched conference of course! It was a great day.

Today we went to Doneen and Alan's for conference. Carter insisted multiple times that  we should go there so I asked her and she was happy to have us. Turns out she has a tradition of making homemade cinnamon rolls on conference Sunday which Carter knew. Smart kid!  Anyway, it was nice to be with family and the cinnamon roll was AMAZING (as expected).

Mom talked her herself the whole time as usual but stopped talking completely during President Jeffrey R. Holland's talk. I always always love his talks. I can feel his testimony so strongly and I am always touched when he speaks. Anyway, that felt like a little miracle to me! Mom was totally calm.
I hate that she is just so stressed and unhappy these days. It's bad enough to see her with dementia but to see her being so full of bad feelings and thoughts is especially hard. I know it is a somewhat common thing for people with dementia to get suspicious and anxious but its really hard to watch.

Now Frank is off for a little "me time" since he has Monday off (no one else does). He's headed to Southern Utah for some 4-wheeling or hiking or something fun like that. So, now I am home alone thinking deep thoughts and watching crappy tv.  I know those two things seem incompatible but, for me, they are not.

Just for fun, here are the shows I currently watch whenever Frank is away (never when he's here because he would hate them):
The Good Place-love this show! Frank actually didn't hate this one. He watched season 1. But so far I have watched the first two episodes without him. oops.
American Housewife-didn't really like this one at first, it's a little overdone or something but it's just one that I keep watching. And somehow I enjoy it. ha!
This Is Us- I mean, obviously. It's awesome.  But honestly I watch the funny shows first.
Parenthood-I binge watch this one.  The others are being recorded on my DVR so I can only watch one episode at a time.

One of the things we were challenged to do during conference was to take a 10 day social media fast. I started today and, although I knew I had a problem, it has been so hard already. In moments of quiet I reach for my phone without thinking and try to go to Facebook.  I put the social media apps on Time Limit on my phone so that they are greyed out. It's scary how often I start to go there!  I'm sure the next 10 days will be eye opening for me.  And hopefully I will be a little better off afterwards.  I know most of us these days have some kind of phone "problem" and I am no different. I can't really use it at work so that helps me to keep from becoming too addicted, hopefully. But at home I'm looking at my phone too much. Usually reading news and getting all worked up about Trump which is definitely not healthy.

In other news, Ryan moved back to Utah! He's only been here a couple of days but I'm excited to have him closer. He is job and apartment hunting currently.  I'm hoping we can do a weekly lunch or something like that once he's settled. OK, he might not want weekly...but something regular. A mom can dream, right?

The dilemma

I know I have too many house projects rolling around in my head at any one time.
But we are at a point right now where we can tackle one of them.
Just one.
If I had to pick a project based on life improvement or how much I want it done, I would definitely choose between getting a new bathroom vanity or fixing the laundry room.
However, the thing that drives Frank the most nuts for some reason is the living room/dining room carpet.  It is disgusting, for sure: totally stained and nasty looking.  But its not one of the areas in our house where we spend a lot of time so it's not really on the top of my list. I use the bathroom and laundry room every single day!
Anyway, Frank has been lobbying to get new carpet in the front room pretty much since we moved in. I have refused to spend money on that because I don't want carpet at all!  I want hard wood floors someday so I'd rather save that money and put it towards the hard woods. So now he is saying we could just put the floors in the front part of the house as our next project.

Here's where it gets tricky.

We definitely could do that plan. Put hard wood floors just in the living room and dining room. We would do the entryway later when we do the rest of the house. The living room is a sunken living room so it has a natural separation.
The dining room, however, is a tiny little room off of the living room. Big enough for a small round table and 4 chairs but that's it.  I don't even think its fair to call it a dining room.
We have used it as a game room where we play cards.
The previous owners used it as an office but I wasn't all that excited to have an office space that was the first thing you see when entering the house.
It's a cute little room, if not that useful anymore, now that it's just Frank and I the majority of the time.

Here is a bad picture showing the location of the dining room in question. I didn't turn the lights on at the time so it's the dark space back there on the right.

Here we are playing cards back in the good ol' days.

Lately my brain has been thinking that maybe we should just wall this room off and make it into a big pantry. I could bring in my deep freezer out of the garage (more room for parking and easier access to food) and move all of the various bulky kitchen appliances into this little room. My current kitchen cabinets  don't really have space for the various  things like mixer, crock pot, instant pot, electric griddle etc that one has in a kitchen so they are currently being stored in a closet in my laundry room. Thus contributing to the laundry room issues.  I would have plenty of space for any dry good, canned good and whatnot as well.  It would be a huge pantry though it's a small dining room.

What I wouldn't have is a dining room/game room.
I also wouldn't have a direct connection from the kitchen to the front of the house. We can currently walk through a door from the kitchen into the dining room/living room. The living room would become a completely separate space.

If I were going to put the house up for sale I would leave it as is. But this is not a "resale value" decision for me. I plan to stay here long term.

Still, I don't know what to do!

If I am going to eventually make a pantry, it makes sense to do it now before putting in hard wood floors. I certainly don't need hard wood floors in my pantry.

So, basically, I am taking what Frank considers a simple project (have someone come install floors in 2 rooms) and making it a big construction project (install a wall, possibly move some doors, put in shelving etc).

Nothing is simple when I'm involved.

And I still don't even know if I should do it!  Help!

Just a little bit nuts

So, I have started going to therapy.

Anyone who knows me well will probably not be too surprised to hear this and will possibly be clapping right now saying "finally!"

But it was time.  I've noticed my anxiety getting a bit out of control lately so I decided to do something about it.

My therapist or counselor or whatever it is that I'm supposed to call him has coined a word that Frank and I have started using in our daily life now.

The word is "awfulizing"

(not sure how it is supposed to be spelled though since it's a fake word).
It means, as you might guess, making everything more awful in your head than it really is.

We quite enjoy pointing out to each other whenever we are awfulizing something.

I awfulize a lot, which is why I'm in therapy.
Frank awfulizes differently than me but he still does it and I have gotten a kick out of letting him know when it's happening.

So, basically, even if I never get better and therapy is a bust, I have a new word to use and a new way of entertaining myself.

I think I just positivized.

Shoulder Surgery

Last Friday, Frank had surgery to repair a shoulder tear. I don't remember where exactly the tear was, just that it wasn't the rotator cuff (like his left shoulder had).

The surgery went well and we are now almost a week post op.

Frank was nervous about this surgery mostly because he has had shoulder surgery previously and remembers how bad recovery is.  But so far, this one is going much better. 

First it was a simpler repair, apparently. Meaning a shorter recovery, less pain and starting physical therapy sooner.

The pain has been significantly less!  This has been a really awesome surprise.

He is already doing some stuff (not really using the shoulder but he can use that hand, which was not the case for quite some time with his last surgery)

The only real "issue" has been that Frank is not a sit around and heal kind of guy. He is freaking ANTSY and wants to go do stuff.

I, on the other hand, have no problem sitting around and don't get bored doing so. I just keep reminding him that he is supposed to be healing and taking it easy.  He generally complies but he is getting crankier as the days go by.

I keep offering to take him to Dairy Queen for a dip cone but somehow that isn't the adventure he is hoping for.  If he had his way we'd probably be driving to Moab already and he'd be saying he can certainly go four-wheeling with only one hand on the wheel.  Heaven help me.

Plants

I love real plants.
There are just so many things to love about a nice plant.
Over the years I have had a variety of plants and I have killed all of them.
I buy the ones that are "impossible to kill" and promptly kill them.
I've killed succulents and ferns and flowering plants and cacti.
I will go for some time without plants after killing one but I always get hopeful and end up buying another plant.
I've tried fake plants a few times but I just don't care for them. Plus I hate to dust so, ya know, it never works out.

I don't remember exactly when but at some point I bought a new houseplant for this house. It's been at least a couple of years now. It was a plant that I recognized as one of those "no one can kill these" kind of plants. It's not my favorite looking plant but I really wanted to have a plant that would live.

and

I hope I don't jinx myself here but, it is still alive!

It's pretty healthy and getting big and doesn't look too bad. Though it's not exactly a statement kind of plant, it is my only houseplant and so it gets a place of honor in my living room.

My Roomba has run over and mangled this plant and it still survives. I have forgotten to water it and I have over watered it. It soldiers on. I love this plant.

Recently Frank and I went to restaurant that had cute but minimal table decorations consisting of a milk glass vase with a small sprig of leaves from the very same plant that I have in my living room.

I was immediately excited because I already collect milk glass and I have that very same plant! What? I know.

I have a collection of pictures on my living room wall and part of that collection includes a small shelf. I keep a milk glass vase on that shelf and have played with various ideas of what to put in the vase: pretty fake flower (looks dumb), whimsical fake flower (also dumb), sprig of fake leaves (nope), twigs (gah!) and so, for the most part, the vase just sits on the shelf with nothing in it. I honestly don't mind it that way but I wonder if it looks unfinished to others? I know I know...it doesn't matter what others think. But bear with me here.

Anyway, I went right home and snipped a small bit of my plant off and stuck it in the vase. It looked pretty good although my leaves are much bigger than the ones at the restaurant for some reason (perhaps a slightly different version of the plant? I know very little about plants.)

And that small bit has lived in this vase for WEEKS now and is perfectly happy and healthy. I even forget to top off the water at times and it just lives on.  It even recently unfurled a new leaf!  I am so impressed.  When it gets too big I will transplant it back into the original pot with it's mother and snip off a new section for my vase.

The success of this little venture makes me want to put snippets of plant in vases all over the place. But I know this would look weird so I try to hold back. Also, as I write this, I wonder when I last checked the water in that vase...hmmm.

It has also made me think that I might possibly be able to get another plant and not kill it. I know, it's crazy thinking but I am *this close* to buying another plant.

Hope lives on!

New Post about Mom

Dementia is an interesting thing. And by interesting I mean awful.

I spent some time with my mom recently to give Dad and Doneen a bit of a break.  She was actually pretty easy to deal with compared to other times but it was an unusual visit.

You see, my mom does this thing now where she keeps a running, out loud, commentary on everything she is doing or thinking.  She does this in the form of retelling a conversation between two people.  Here is an example from this visit:

I walk in and see that mom is wearing a jacket with no shirt underneath.  I find a shirt, bring it to her and offer it to her.

Me: Hey mom, here's a shirt. Do you want to wear this?
Mom: No, I'm fine. I have this shirt (pointing to the jacket)
Me: That's a jacket.  You might want a shirt underneath it.
Mom: And she said you should wear this.  And I said why should I wear that, I have one already. And she said you need to wear it. And she said what are you even doing here, you're just a kid.

So, she makes it clear that she's annoyed by me but in a really weird round about way. Sometimes she says "she said" and sometimes she says "I said" but there doesn't seem to be any kind of rhyme or reason to it. She is sometimes obviously talking about her own feelings at the moment but will say "she said" rather than "I said". And she refers to herself often with the word "we". "We will be fine"...that sort of thing.

She spent a good hour and 15 minutes looking for a shirt after that and all the while she never stopped talking to herself in this "she said" kind of way.  I actually recorded it for awhile because it was so fascinating.  I offered her a BYU shirt at the very beginning which then sort of stayed in her mind somehow while she went through the entire closet and her drawers talking to herself all the while. Sometimes she just pulled things out and looked at them and sometimes she would try them on. She tried on a variety of shirts and jackets (without shirts) until, in the end, she put on the shirt I had originally offered. (though she may have changed again after I left)  Here is some of the recording (my words are in italics, everything else was said by mom.  Only once did she talk directly to me-that part in in bold):

She said here's a good shirt.
And she said how does it close.
She said, just use the zipper.
She said, oh, theres no zipper.
Me: How about this shirt. (Showing her the BYU sweatshirt for the second time since it seemed like that was what she was looking for)
She said, what are you doing here?
To me: I think we'll be fine.
Me: ok
And she said, that's not a BYU one. That's ok. I saw that one.
And she said, Hooray BYU.
And she said, Is that what this is?
And she said, Ok.
And I said, I'm ok. No need to help me. I can take care of myself.
And she said, I'm just a baby and don't know anything.
I said, well, we're all learning so why don't you go help with your other family and then we can all...I can't figure out what happened to that BYU one.
And she said and so we all work together.  And she said the BYU thing was gone.
And I said, why was it gone?
And she said I think some man stole it.
And I said what man?
I think his name was...Oh this is a...this might be a BYU one.  It's a little backwards.
And I said it's a good one.
And I said I couldn't figure out how to get this thing on and then I realized that it was...
And I said, But it wasn't BYU, it was just a blue one and I already have a blue one on.
And I said, you can go back where you came.
And I said, I like this one.  Oh it's kind of pitiful.
So I said, how about this one.
I said, I like it.
I said, well, it has a zipper.
----
I probably find it horrifying mainly because every time my mom does some new crazy thing I imagine that I will do it too someday.  But if I can be unemotional about it, it is interesting to see how her mind is working and how her thoughts jump around but then they will reconnect later sometimes.

I miss my mom.  I'm happy to spend time with her and be of help to her but I miss the person she was.  My mom was amazing and smart and caring. It's hard to remember her now.

If I do get dementia I hope my kids can read my blogs and scrapbooks and things and remember the person I was. But I sure hope I don't get it.

General Complaints

1. My hair is falling out.  Like handfuls of hair every single day. I don't know what's causing it and I don't know how to fix it. Yes, I've talked to my doctor and I'm taking supplements and my thyroid is fine.  The fact that I'm stressing out over my hair falling out is probably not helping anything either. I have a weird skull too so if I go totally bald I am not going to look ok.

2. Cleaning the shower is difficult and annoying and I don't do it often enough.

3. My dishwasher sucks.

4. I think I have a dead mouse somewhere in the house. It doesn't stink to high heaven yet but it soon will.  And I can't find the darn thing! I can just vaguely smell that something is dead somewhere.

5. My windows need cleaning.  I don't want to do it.

6. Grown kids do not call, text or otherwise interact with their mother enough.  Well, at least MY grown kids don't.  If your grown kids do, please DO NOT tell me about it.  I'm having a hard enough time without hearing about someone else's perfect kid. mmmkay?

7. I made a list of meals this week, bought all the ingredients and then made a total of 2 of the planned meals.  I've got ingredients rotting as we speak.  I hate when I do that.

Ok I'm done for now.  Perhaps I will do a post that is general blessings or general happiness next to try to be less of a complainer.  Stay tuned.

A visit to Portland

We went for a long weekend to visit Frank's Dad and help out a bit around the house.

I took an obligatory picture of the Portland Airport Carpet.

Frank knew going in that he would have a few projects to do: his dad had mentioned wanting to power wash the driveway and he has been slowly going through things after Janice's death so we knew there were some jobs around that we would need to do.  I went in assuming that my main function would be to cook. Perhaps make some freezer meals for after we leave and also just feed everyone. As anyone who knows me knows, cooking is not my favorite.  But I was willing to sacrifice for a few days. HA!

I ended up spending a good deal of time going through and organizing pictures. I actually love looking at old pictures so this was not a problem.  The only thing I don't love is the occasional bug I would come across or be surprised by.  ugh.  I didn't do a serious organization of the photos but sorted them into new boxes for Janice's sisters and daughter to go through to take what they want.  I also left with a stack of pictures.
I found old letters and other cool things.  Here are a few that I loved:

Janice's old bible with an inscription from her Lutheran Sunday School teacher.

Janice's childhood glasses (I think? Could be someone else's I suppose). 

They were still in perfect condition and in a cute case. Look how small they are!

Locks of Janice's hair from when she was a child!

Old report cards. Janice was a great student!

Here is a gift from Frank to his parents on their "silver" anniversary.

It is a very Frank sort of gift.

Looks like a broken bracelet but it was real silver. HA! Gave me a good laugh.

These looked handy and I was amazed they had been saved all these years.

I should have tried them out...

There were a number of diaries that belonged to Janice.

I didn't read them all but I got a kick out of one from when she was young that said nearly the same thing every single day: Went to school. Had fun. Played with Lorraine.

Frank's dad said he wanted to get his garage cleaned out a bit and to bring his deep freeze into the house rather than keeping it out in the garage where it is harder for him to get to. The only thing standing in the way was the old family organ which was in the spot where the freezer should go. We called some junk places and looked online at the likelihood of being able to give the organ away and it wasn't looking good. At one point grandaddy said that he didn't want to pay someone to haul it away as he would rather take a sledge hammer to  the thing. Well, my husband is a man of action, so within minutes he had that organ in the yard and was attacking it with said sledge hammer.

We got the freezer unloaded, moved and reloaded without too much difficulty. We cleaned out a bunch of stuff from the garage so grandaddy could walk through more easily.  Frank went up to the neighbor who was out working in his garage and managed to give him several tools, some storage shelves and a table. He was happy and so were we!

After all of the cleaning out we decided to take a trip to the dump rather than have grandaddy try to slowly add this pile of stuff to his weekly trash (we did have the remains of an organ after all and Portland's trash bins are super small). That turned out to be a really good idea and it only cost us like $25 to haul away a car full of stuff.  I do have some guilt over just throwing stuff away so I was glad to see that we could divide stuff into recycling piles and they also have workers there going through and pulling out obvious recyclables. We also made a trip to DI.

We did some cooking but also ordered pizza one night so that was nice. Frank made two pies: blueberry and fresh peach pie. I made the guts and he is in charge of the crust. They were both super tasty.  I made a roast one day and a meatloaf with real mashed potatoes...but I can't remember now what else I made. I didn't slave constantly in the kitchen like I had imagined but I did cook quite a bit. Frank's dad didn't really want any freezer meals so that saved me a bit.

The pie tasted better than it looks in this picture:

Frank and I ate SO BAD the whole time. Sweets and bread and pie and ice cream (two trips to Dairy Queen!).  I was saying to Frank's dad that I promise we don't usually eat this bad...he was skeptical. I don't know what overcame us, honestly, but we ate like fiends the whole time.

Diana, Frank's sister, was out of town while we were there so we didn't get to see her but we will just have to make another trip out soon to see everyone!

Time Flies

Well it's the end of August and I realized that I haven't blogged even once this month.
I have had things to say but haven't had much of a drive to actually say it.
At the end of the day I will think of the things I want to blog about but then just not be able to sit in front of the computer long enough to do it. I am, after all, in front of a computer at work pretty much all day and that makes the prospect of blogging a little less of a draw. And somehow the process of uploading pictures now seems to be just too much work.

Never-the-less I will try to go back and put down a few things that have been going on this month.

At the beginning of the month, my sweet Isabelle had to get her tonsils out.

It was a bit traumatic because, being the stubborn girl that she is, she absolutely refused to eat or drink anything once the initial numbing wore off. I'm sure both Branden and Amber were quite stressed out by this. She ended up in the ER needing fluids. The doctor wanted to try to get her to drink because he felt giving her an IV would be more traumatic than just getting her to drink, even if they had to do it by force. It was actually a pretty funny story to hear from Branden because even the hospital staff, using all of their combined efforts, could not get her to drink anything. They kept "threatening" to use a needle to give her fluids if she didn't drink but to no avail. She managed to fight them off and spit out anything they forced into her including numbing medicine (sometimes all over everyone). In the end she got an IV and the staff was shocked that after all the fighting, she laid perfectly still while they put it in (which took multiple tries since she was so dehydrated).

This is her stoic face

When the doctor was telling her that she needed to start drinking when she went home he thought he'd use some logic on her, asking her if she would rather drink or get another needle to get her water.  She silently looked at him and pointed at the needle in her arm! HA!  She showed them who was boss.  Apparently she did improve after those fluids though and they were able to get her to drink at home. I am happy to announce that she now seems to be back to normal.


Ryan came out for a short visit!  He is living in Indiana currently and working as a postal worker. He is considering moving back to Utah soon though and I'm pretty happy about that! I miss having my kids around.
He had lots of friends to see and not many days to do it but we managed to spend one full day together and went to Lagoon. Carter came too and it was a fun day.

We saw each other a few other times...breakfast one day, lunch another and I let him use my car a couple of times so we saw each other when he picked me up from work.
It wasn't tons of time but I really enjoyed seeing him!
He and Carter also hung out while I was at work and I managed to talk them into doing one of my favorite new activities: Axe throwing.  I seriously think they did it just to appease me but, since I'm always right, they had fun.

Frank and I went for a long weekend to visit his Dad in Portland. We wanted to help do a few projects around the house and just see him since it's been awhile.  I will probably do a separate post about our visit but the gist of it is: Frank worked really hard and I helped a little. :-)

How to get the perfect cherry pie

Frank makes a delicious cherry pie, as you know.

But we have struggled with the difficulty in finding cherries for said pie.

We usually buy canned cherries, which are not always available at the store and when they are, they are very expensive.  We often pay $5 per can...and we use 3 cans of cherries per pie. We have even resorted to buying them from Amazon by the case. So, yeah, we are crazy.

One day I was complaining about the problem finding sour cherries and my neighbor piped up that her family actually owned a pie cherry orchard and that when it was time for harvest she would see if I could get some.  I was ecstatic! And then I forgot all about it.

The other day she says to me that it is harvest time and asked if I would like to come see how they harvest the cherries and maybe pick some.

Frank and I jumped at the chance to check it out!

The orchard was HUGE. So many trees!

They use these big machines/tractors/conveyor belts to shake the trees and knock all the cherries down and into these huge bins.  It's amazing that the shaking doesn't damage the trees, honestly. 

Here is a really bad video of the shaking (I had a hard time finding a good place to stand to see it well...after all we were in the midst of a lot of trees):

The farmer told us that we were welcome to pick the cherries left on the trees after shaking (not too many are left...it's pretty amazing) or to pick from the young trees that are too small to shake.  We grabbed a couple of buckets and got to picking.  

I can't tell you how grateful and happy we were to get all those cherries!

We told them we'd bring them a cherry pie for a thank you and were informed by the farmer's wife that they didn't really love cherry pie! Haha so funny. We will probably still take a pie for those that do like it.

We ended up with a 5 gallon bucket and another smaller bucket full of cherries (we guessed that the smaller bucket was about 3 gallons).  The next night Frank and I pitted the smaller bucket of cherries together and it took about 2 hours.  

The day after that, I pitted cherries for about 7 hours straight while watching "Parenthood" on my computer.  It was a long, sticky time.  

This is a huge cooler that we have and it was full of cherries by the time we were done. 

Full to the very top!

It was my day off so I knew I had to finish the job...So then I got to canning!  Frank helped and we canned 28 quarts and 16 pints of cherries.

I still have one more canner load to do tonight and then we will be all set for over 28 cherry pies!  That's a lot of pie.

And they will be perfect!

The "new" job

I haven't written anything about my job change but now that I am settled into the new job I have decided that it's time.

I liked my old job ok...liked the people I worked with a lot...but the sitting all day was not doing me any favors and I was developing carpal tunnel symptoms from being on the computer all day. And so I started looking around a bit. I wanted to be able to move during the day. I wanted to not be on a computer the whole time.  I applied for a couple of jobs closer to my home and talked to some people I know about possible opportunities.

I like interacting with people (though I always forget about the perfume issues until I am interacting with lots of people and then I'm like "oh, yeah, I should stay in a room by myself!") and decided to look for something where I could move around a bit more and also see people in person, rather than just interacting by phone.

Long story short, I got a job working for a local chiropractor.

And...after two months I can honestly say that I really like my new job!
I don't dread work. I don't get anxious or sad on Sunday night.  I usually leave work actually feeling kind of energized after the day of pleasant interactions and tasks successfully fulfilled.

Other plusses to the job: I have 1.5 days off each week! So, yes, I am working fewer hours overall which might contribute to my happiness level as well. Just maybe.

The doctor is very nice and I like my coworkers (though one is leaving soon so I'm really hoping to like the new person!). I'm learning new skills and new computer programs. I get adjusted for free!  Since it's a small business, I did lose some of the perks that I enjoyed at my old job: 401K, wellness plans, immediate paid time off (I will eventually get that at this job but not for awhile).  But my hope is to stay long term at this job because I can see myself being fulfilled there while still having time for a life.  If something dire happens in my life where I need a job with insurance, I will have to rethink this but for now it fits my life really well.

I'm grateful for the skills I learned at my old job which helped me get this new one and I still keep in touch with a variety of the friends I made there.

I sort of imagined that I would forever be just ok with working full time--managing and adjusting--but never really being happy about it. I suppose the new job is really more like 3/4 time rather than full time but it does feel like something I can keep doing without feeling trapped.

Yay for life upgrades!

Physical ailments

I managed to get my "ice pick headache" during the last few days of our Mexico vacation. This particular headache is different from my normal migraines and I get it much less frequently, thank heaven!  But when I do get it, it is beyond debilitating.  I cannot function at all and spend a good deal of time vacillating between anger/crankiness and crying/screaming.  Getting randomly stabbed in the head all day and night every few seconds is very very draining.

The number one problem with this headache is that no one, NO ONE, seems to know what to do for it. I've gone to headache specialists, Emergency Rooms, Urgent Care, primary doctor...you name it, I have done it.  They try this and that and give me pain meds and whatnot which sometimes do nothing and sometimes "take the edge off" but nothing actually causes the pains to cease. They do eventually peter out on their own but have taken as long as 2 weeks to do so in the past.

This time I went straight to my headache specialist. Frank had a business trip right after we got home from Mexico so he wasn't around and Carter had to work so my parents stepped up to give me a ride. We joked about how it was a Thursday and I'm supposed to be helping mom but instead she had to help me this time. My doctor took me very seriously at least and looked at different types of headaches that this could be and really tried to figure out the best options for treatment. I was given an IV with various concoctions in it which helped. I could tell that the pains were coming further apart and with less intensity, which is a good thing, but they weren't gone so that made me nervous. Nevertheless, I went home to rest.  I got about 4-5 hours of relief before  they returned in earnest. Carter gave me a blessing that evening and I felt much better for quite awhile.

Around 10 PM I started to feel a stomach ache coming on, which wasn't totally surprising given the number and variety of pain medications I had been taking for several days now.  It quickly progressed to a long and horrible night of vomiting every few minutes.  I have no idea what caused it but I was grateful that my head pains were not bad as well, that might have pushed me over some edge that I don't want to go over.

I had to call out sick to work and spent another day on the couch feeling sorry for myself.

It's now Saturday and the head stabbing seems to be returning though its in the beginning stages which means it is less intense and less frequent...it tends to ramp up over time.

Why am I blogging all of this?  I don't know exactly.  I just have to let it out and "talking" about it seems to help somehow.

I don't want to be a person who is defined by my physical ailments.  I want to be normal.  I don't want to have to call out of work or ask someone else to teach my Sunday school lesson. I want to be reliable and I want to be a fun person who is excited to see a nice day outside rather than one who feels like it doesn't matter what the weather is like because I will be laying in a dark room no matter what.

So, yes, I'm still feeling sorry for myself. This too shall pass. I know this.  And right now I super ready for it to do just that.

Celebrating 30 years

Last week Frank and I went to Cancun to celebrate our 30th anniversary.
We stayed in a resort that we've stayed at previously so we knew the area and the restaurants.
We told ourselves we would try new restaurants and go to new places...but we did very little of that.
We went to our favorite local beach where we hung out, ate local food and enjoyed the amazing beach and water. As usual, we were the only non-locals there.
Here's a picture from the internet.  We love this beach. The sand is soft, the water is clear and there are chairs and umbrellas. There are local families enjoying the day and a small local restaurant that serves fresh fish and delicious tortilla chips.

We asked for our favorite dish, Molcajete, from the restaurant at the resort even though it is no longer on the menu. They made it for us and it was super delicious!

We went to the road of Cenotes, which was new for us. We've been to other Cenotes but never this one. We swam around and enjoyed the cave, the water and yes, even the bats! I wasn't supposed to get my hand wet so I paddled around on a float which was still nice.

I can tell you that keeping your hand dry while staying in Cancun ON THE BEACH is not easy.

Our one big "new" thing took place on our last day. We went to an island about 2 hours away called Holbox (Pronounced HoleBosh--long "o" sound on both words). Once we arrived at the island we wandered around a bit enjoying the small town, we ate lunch and then we went to the beach which was GORGEOUS with the clearest water ever. Here are some more pictures from the internet: It looked exactly like this.  The water, the town, the flamingos! It was awesome.

Frank had a business call so after he was done, we signed up for a 3 island tour. Here is a description from the internet: a boat tour to Passion Island, Isla Pajaros and Yalahau Spring. On this guided excursion, view over 35 species of nesting birds on Isla Pajaros (Bird Island), including frigates and pelicans. Hear about the birds' migration patterns and breeding breeding behaviors from your bird-loving local guide. Continue to Passion Island to see the resident flamingos, then swim in the cenote (freshwater sinkhole) at Yalahau. 
We had a good time and even think we might enjoy staying on Holbox someday. I will, however, avoid Mosquito Point for obvious reasons. We tried to get as close as possible to the flamingos because I love them so much. I think I may have to get some flamingo art to put up in my room.

The other thing new that I did was that I took zero pictures.  I put my phone in the safe and left it there the whole week. I just enjoyed the beauty and the nice weather without posting about it or taking photos.  Now, with my terrible memory this might mean that this particular vacation could completely disappear from my mind, which I guess would be sad, but I enjoyed it while I was there. I know Frank took a couple of photos so if I get my hands on them, maybe I'll add them here.  And, obviously, I pilfered a few from the internet.

I'm as addicted to my phone as the next person but I'm trying to be less so. I'm trying to overcome that habitual grabbing of the phone throughout the day.  I don't use it at all during work either which is helpful.

I noticed so many people wearing their phones around their necks in Cancun. They have them in water proof bags on a string so that they can take selfies in the pool or ocean (and oh man, did we see a lot of that). I like to get pictures of Frank and I together when we do these kinds of things so I'm not anti-selfie or anything but it does feel like it is out of hand.  And so, I'm trying to overcome the pull of the phone in my own little way.

Sorry for the change of subject...Happy Anniversary to us! 30 years.  It's been great, and hard, and fun and awful at times. We've got 4 great boys and now 2 great daughters as well. It's gone so fast! I can't believe it has been 30 years already.

Time with Mom

Mom and Dad have moved into Doneen's house.  It is a good idea long term but the change in environment and situation is confusing for Mom and she has gone downhill since moving.
Dad of course does the majority of caring for and being with mom but Doneen is also picking up a lot of the responsibility...what with Mom living in her house and all.

Everyone is trying to convince Mom that this is "her" house so that she will feel comfortable. But it leaves a bit of a problem when she is done with all the visitors and wants them to go home  and take their dogs with them! The bedroom is set up with her familiar furniture and pictures on the walls so she is most comfortable in that space.

I'm trying to get back to my Thursday visits to give Dad and Doneen a break. It should work well with my new job since I have Thursdays off.

Last week I went and when I arrived Mom was about to start playing the piano. I helped her find the hymn book and encouraged her to play.  She used to play really well and I was surprised to find that she can still play.

She's concentrating here...not unhappy :-)

 There are other skills that she has totally lost but piano seems to still be in her muscle memory somewhere. She sometimes had to drop the second hand and play just the melody but most of the songs were quite recognizable with just a few mistakes. Of course, in true mom style, she berates herself for her mistakes.  I just encouraged her and told her she was doing really well (and reminding her that I can't play at all so anything she does is better than I could do! She liked this reasoning ha!)

She enjoyed playing and did so for almost 30 minutes I think.

After that we watched a movie together. Yes, I always turn to old movies because she remembers them somewhat and it is easier than trying to keep her attention on something else.  She enjoys musicals and Pride and Prejudice. This week we watched "Hello Dolly" and she loved the costumes, music and dancing.

I bought her a "toy" for mother's day.

It is supposed to help with keeping hands busy and just entertain to play with. It is a bunch of colorful wood balls all connected. You can move them around to different shapes. I pulled it out when I was there to see if she would become interested. She asked what it was and I just explained it a little bit. She then told me how it was a good toy for babies but there was no one there to need it now. Doh!  I left it near us hoping she would pick it up but she never did. I ended up mindlessly playing with it a few times though! haha

She's had a rough week with an asthma attack that left her needing oxygen 24/7. It might be temporary but we will have to see. Either way, the tubes in her nose, on her face and dragging behind her when she walked were super confusing to her and she kept trying to take them off.  Repeatedly explaining what they were and why she had to keep them on was tiring but she didn't really fight me about it. Apparently at other times she has been quite adamant at not wanting the oxygen so I got off easy.

Time spent with Mom is not easy but it is worth it. I am able to help her feel loved when everything else is so confusing to her. I am able to give Dad a little bit of a break which he desperately needs. And I am able to give Doneen some time to not worry about Mom either.  I'm sure in the coming days, weeks and months we will all need to step up our assistance to Dad and Doneen.

Family fun...with sharp objects!

So, I drive by this place every day when I go to and come home from work.  I have thought for some time that we need to go there. I like to support local small businesses for one and it also just intrigued me. I kept putting it off and then one of my neighbors went and posted about it on Facebook...they loved it, so I knew that I had to do it!

 So one night last week, I walked in from work and just announced that we were going.  Carter was not interested but I forced him to come (not too difficult really, just a little mom guilt was applied).  Where did we go?

Axe throwing!

I know, sounds weird but it was super fun.

I have decided that it needs to be our next date night with my siblings as well. We haven't set it up yet but soon, I hope.

The guy that owns it was there and he showed us how to throw the various kinds of axes that he has available. We practiced for a bit until we could all get the axe to stick in the target.  Once we were sticking it pretty regularly he introduced us to a  few games.  We competed against each other and just had a great time. I kicked butt on one of the games. Like KILLED the guys. We won't talk about how I did on the other games...mmmkay?

The picture below is where Frank barely got a hit on the "8 ball" which is way up on the target. This hit helped him win the first game. I couldn't throw even remotely high enough to hit that part of the target.

There is a second room where we could throw knives and metal playing cards. Carter was flipping the cards at the target but they weren't really sticking much.  The guy told us that for some reason flipping the cards works better if you use sound effects.  So carter flipped five cards really quickly and made a whipping sound with his mouth each time...all five cards stuck! It was hilarious.

It was tiring but so so fun! We were actively throwing axes for over an hour (and a couple of us were sore the next day I will admit)

He had us sign the wall before we left and he took group picture

(which I do not have on my phone for some reason)

The place we went to is called Phat Axe.

I highly recommend it!

How I manage. Plus a bucket list item crossed off the list.

I've been to Moab twice in the last two weeks.  Even for a Moab lover, isn't that a lot?
I am not going to give a play by play of our jeeping adventures because it's pretty much the same as any of the other times we went.  I was scared, it was pretty though, Frank loved it, yada yada yada.

What I would like to share is the coping mechanisms that I have come up with:
1-make a vow to myself to just keep my mouth shut and not yell, or whimper or cry or scream. Just be stoic. (Always break said vow within 5 minutes)
2-close my eyes when it is scary
3-get out of the car when it is really scary
4-pretend I'm on a roller coaster (but with my eyes shut)
5-pull my hat over my face and whimper
6-eat twizzlers
7-try to notice and point out the pretty stuff (flowers, mountains, clouds etc)

I'm eating better lately so I have given up #6 but Frank mentioned this last weekend that I do better when I have some twizzlers so that one must have worked somewhat.  They guys enjoy mocking me and my inadvertent noises, so at least I am entertaining.

Here are some pretty flowers I saw on our hikes. I love desert flowers!

The following little orange ones were my favorite but they were always in big bunches right on the side of the road, so difficult to photograph. I finally saw this little bunch and it is out of focus. Gah!

We did some pretty serious hiking on both weekends. Carter came with us on on Memorial weekend and we hiked the Fiery Furnace in Arches National Park. That hike was a bucket list item for me and I loved it!  It requires a permit to do it so advanced planning is necessary (not our strong suit).  Luckily we thought to get a permit the week before,  since we were there. It worked out great.

Here are some of the pictures of that hike:

Love the various arches and windows!  Arches really is one of my favorite places.

Beautiful!

 There was a fair amount of scrambling, climbing in cracks and through holes in the rock.  So cool

This is called "Surprise Arch" and it is awesome.

That's all for now!

This weekend, I am staying home and I can't wait!