What I do when I'm alone

It's Sunday and I'm not feeling that good.
All of my house guests have left and my husband is on a business trip.
I'm alone.
I love my alone time. This is something I am not ashamed or shy of admitting.
When Frank left this morning he said,"Enjoy your time completely alone. It will be a nice change of pace for you."
What can I say? The man knows me.

I imagined myself accomplishing all sorts of things today:
wrapping presents and getting boxes ready to ship
Of course, going to church and attending choir practice for the choir I recently joined after literally years of saying I should join the choir
Making turkey soup out of the gallons of broth that I have taking up all the space in my refrigerator as well as every bowl and pitcher that I own
getting the laundry done that I need for work tomorrow
and maybe even watching a show or two that I enjoy

I admit that I have wrapped a few gifts.
I've been keeping boxes and packages stacked up in my laundry room just waiting for a time when Frank wasn't home so I could wrap them! Then when I opened them today I discovered that two of them were prescription medications and not gifts at all!  So, I didn't have as much wrapping to do as I thought. But at least I won't run out of medicine.

The broth, sadly, still sits untouched in the fridge. But the day is not over by a long shot so I still have hope for myself. Not a lot of hope, but some.

No laundry. It's not a hard job and yet I just haven't done it.

Missed church and choir due to the "feeling unwell" thing. I probably could have forced myself out the door but I needed a mental health day and a day to sit and feel unwell.

I have, on the other hand, watched LOTS of shows that I like.  Or that I thought I might like. Or that looked vaguely promising.

I'm back on my diet after using Thanksgiving and my mother's death as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted as my husband remained strong and dropped several more pounds. It hasn't been easy today to eat healthy food when I'm here alone with boxes and boxes of Trader Joe's JoJo cookies (meant to be neighbor gifts). But so far so good. My body will thank me eventually. I have been feeling really good up until the lapse at Thanksgiving. My body is so much happier without sugar and gluten and with a few veggies here and there.  I'm trying to remember that as I sit and think of those JoJos.

I may yet end this day having accomplished something. Or not. But so far it has been a splendid day that I am enjoying most thoroughly.

Donna Rae Larson Davidson

Yesterday we got word that my mom passed away at 9:45 am at Ashton Gardens Assisted Living in Mesa, Arizona.

I'm glad I went and visited last month...

It was hard to see her that way but did, in the end, give me a bit of a sense of closure. It also helped for me to see that she was getting good and kind care. Nurse Naomi was a blessing.

When I think about my mom lately, the main thing I think about it how badly I hope that her fate is not my fate. But after I heard about her passing I was able to think more about the person she truly is and was throughout her life.  I felt an unexpected sadness.  I mean, I had been actively praying to Heavenly Father to release her from this trial...and yet, when she was finally released, it was sad to think that she's actually, physically gone.

My mom was a strong woman. She had a lot of trials but she just did what she had to do to get through it and make it work.  From the time I was pretty young, she worked full time and was the primary bread-winner of our family. Sometimes she caught grief for this, as back in the day it wasn't cool to work full time and have 7 kids (later it would be 8 kids!), and she was judged for it. But these judgers didn't know our family situation and how she was doing what had to be done. It wasn't her heart's desire to be a working woman but she made it work and I was always proud of her for it.  When we were young, she worked swing or night shift so she was home with us in the daytime. That had to have been very hard! As we grew and left the house, she embraced her role as a nurse executive and became a well known and respected person in her field.  She just knew how to bloom where she was planted.

My mom was funny and willing to laugh and smile a lot. My mom had a really great smile and laugh.

I always loved the way she sung the hymns at church, with gusto and love and reverence. I remember as a kid wanting to have all the hymns memorized, the way it seemed like my mom did.

She was a busy executive nurse for many years but I always knew she would be there for me if I needed her.  She was a good listening ear and always knew the right thing to say when I was worried about something going on with my kids, especially all the ailments that young kids get.  I would just pick up the phone and my mom knew the answer. I could also always call with a sewing or cooking question. I knew my mom had lots of "mom wisdom".

She was super talented in many areas. Painting, cake decorating, nursing, being a boss and mentor, baking amazing rolls and cinnamon rolls, sewing, cooking, cleaning, being patient, loving unconditionally and more.

She had so much dedication and self control. She got up super early to exercise before her work day began. She ran or walked 2+ miles a day well into her fight with Alzheimer's disease...it was just such a part of who she was to exercise everyday that even when other abilities were leaving her, she just kept hitting the treadmill. She hiked Mt. Timpanogos at 62 and competed in a triathlon at 69!

All of us kids talk about how we would wake up to new outfits each Easter Sunday that Mom had somehow made for us when we weren't looking.  It was amazing. She always made us whatever kind of birthday cake we wanted. We always had the fanciest, most delicious cakes. Christmas was always amazing though I know my parents struggled financially.  Sunday dinner was legendary.

She made my wedding cake and sewed my veil and several bridesmaid dresses. She gave her time willingly. Though she worked full-time when my kids were little, she tried to visit when she could.

When my second son was born, he was extremely colicky. We lived with her for nearly 2 months and she would take shifts during the night to help care for him so I could get some sleep...and she still had to get up and go to work all day the next day! She never complained about any of it. It's like it was a joy for her to help me. She must have been exhausted though!

She knew how to let things go that were not important (well, except maybe Saturday house cleaning). But the things that were important-like family and the Gospel of Jesus Christ-were always first.  She played the mormon tabernacle choir in the mornings on Sundays. We went to every church service and activity that there was and I never heard her grumble or complain, though she must have been tired sometimes and wanted to stay home. Family dinner on Sunday was always important to her and our house was the hub of friends and family.  Our table was always full and always had room for more.

Her family was her joy. 

She retired from her job when she realized that she needed to care for her mother. She and my Dad moved in with Grandma and cared for her in her own home until she died. She was always grateful that she had the opportunity to do this service for her mother. 

She lost her oldest son to Leukemia which was a sore trial for her but it did not test her faith. She was faithful and believing all the days of her life.  She never stopped thinking about and missing Darryl though. We all take joy in the thought that they now get some time together without the rest of us in the way.

I'm not saying she was perfect, she wasn't. None of us are after all.  She got stressed out and impatient with us at times. She yelled sometimes. Admittedly, it was rare though and we liked to push her buttons. When she was working full time and being a mom and keeping a house, things fell through the cracks. I sometimes felt like I was one of those things. Of course, looking back, I see that I could have helped more so she would have time to do fun things with me. But I was a selfish teenager and didn't see that at the time.  Even as a grouchy teen, I was super proud of my mom and the woman that she was.

She loved to shop. She loved beautiful shoes. She loved nice clothing that looked professional. She didn't like to get her hair wet or messed up. She was modest. When she would express disappointment in something I did (or didn't do) it was the worst feeling in the world to me. I always wanted to make her proud of me.  She used to mail me $20 every now and then at college even though things were very tight for them at that time and they were in the middle of fighting Darryl's illness. I knew she was trying to be there for me even when her plate was very full.

I feel so blessed that she was my mom. She was such an example of so many things. If I can be half as good and patient and kind and talented and righteous, I'll be ok.

I miss her and I've missed her for many years now. I am so glad she has been released from the torture of dementia. It really seemed like such a rip off for someone as smart and kind as her to get this awful disease. But it's a rip off for anyone to get it.

It's hard to write a "final" post about my mom. It feels inadequate to express the woman that she was. I could write pages and pages about her.

Mom, I love you!  I know I will see you again and it will be a joyful reunion!

Unplanned

Today we had planned to go Axe throwing with Carter and Harley who were coming down from Logan and SLC respectively.  Other than that we didn't have any plans or know what they had going on. Her family lives close by so we often just get to see them for a part of the day and then they spend time with her family. Makes sense.
Today, it turns out, her family was out of town so we had them here for basically the whole day!
We went axe throwing. (Harley's first time) We always have a good time axe throwing. We played a game and in the end it was between Harley and Frank. Frank won in the end but it was fun watching Harley give him a run for his money.

We went out to lunch together.
We played Hearts..a family favorite. We are still trying to convert Harley but she was a good sport. I lost big time.  Frank won, as usual, though I hate to admit it.  He gets cocky about all of his winning.
Then we went out and played some frisbee golf.  Again, I lost (Harley and I were both behind Carter and Frank).  I'm terrible at frisbee golf but still find it fun. I didn't wear the right shoes and had to do a little hiking on uneven and treacherous ground. My balance is not what it once was since my surgery so I get more nervous about falling.

We had intended to get a picture together but only managed to get this one. (Carter was having fun but gets a kick out of making mad faces for pictures...I warned Harley, yet again, that this is her future! HA!)

They just left a few minutes ago since Carter plans to drive all the way back to Logan tonight. I had a fun day just hanging out with them. I hope they did too.

I always feel a bit melancholy after spending time with my boys. I miss having them around and when they leave again, it makes me sad.

Work

We recently had some changes take place at work. We added a provider to the practice.
I told one of my friends that I was actually looking forward to the challenge that this would provide.
I would learn new things and it would be fun!
I take it back.
That is all.

cooking...

The first part of this post is an excerpt of an email I sent my kids today:

For some reason we decided we needed to do some dutch oven cooking today. Frank originally wanted to do the whole charcoal briquettes/cooking outdoors thing but in the end (what with the weather and all. And the fact that I was like "no way!") we are just using the oven.  I bought ingredients for beef bourguignon -for some crazy reason- and I made some dutch oven bread. The bread is rising now and will go into the dutch oven in about an hour so if it turns out, I’ll send a picture!

Beef Bourguignon is sort of like a beef stew with a red wine sauce. I love a good wine sauce so I even ventured to the liquor store for the actual type of wine that the recipe called for.  I know nothing about wine, obviously, but found a bottle that had the same name listed in the recipe-- and it was even on sale! (4.99 so I’m assuming it’s not a stellar bottle of wine that I bought) ha!

Then today as I was putting the recipe together I realized that I do not own a corkscrew to open this bottle!  I was thinking that maybe Frank had some sort of multi-tool contraption that maybe would have one but even after searching the garage I couldn’t find one. He wasn't home so I just had to figure it out on my own...

I turned to google of course. There were a few options there so I tried the first one listed which was to basically stick a serrated knife into the cork and twist.  This felt like it might work at first but then it started to shred the cork, which seemed like a bad outcome. 

The second option was to push the cork into the bottle. Which, in hindsight, I should have just done first before the cork got all shredded. But I was feeling desperate so I gave it a shove with the end of a spoon. It did go into the bottle but the wine also shot up and out with a fair amount of force.  I might have drops of red wine on my kitchen ceiling now…I definitely had it on my face, arms, hands, countertop and floor.
(A day later I discovered the front of one of my cabinets covered in wine. It wasn't anywhere near where I was working so I didn't think to look there for damage. Oh boy...I might still find a few surprises I'm thinking)

Right after this happened I realized I was about to be late for a meeting at church so I quickly rinsed off and ran out the door. As I sat in the chair at church I definitely got a whiff of wine coming off of me. Hopefully no one noticed! hahaha

In any event, I got the wine out of the bottle and into my stew. I did have to pour it through some cheese cloth though since I didn’t want cork pieces in my stew. 

Cooking is always an adventure when I am involved. 

The stew has about an hour left at this point and it smells divine. Hopefully it tastes as good as it smells.

It was so tasty!

_____

I also made dutch oven bread. It's a no knead bread and it rises for 18-24 hours. It turned out beautiful and tastes amazing. I might have to make it all the time!

_____

I was out running errands and stopped at a little boutique near my house. I saw these amazing looking cookies by the checkout and found out they were chocolate chip coconut cookies! Why didn't I ever think of that combo? Anyway I bought them for a dessert surprise. But I ended up being the one surprised when they had pecans in them!  I was so sad! So Frank got to eat two cookies for dessert while I sulked.

I felt deprived for like two days afterwards until I just up and made some myself!  They are quite tasty.

Addiction

I'm including a video here that most people have probably seen. It talks about Millenials in the work place and I think he has a lot of valid points (though I hate to think that I was a bad parent since all my kids fall into the "millennial" category and therefore I fall into the bad parent of millennials category).  But when he talks about the effects of social media and the constant access to phones, I feel that it isn't just the young people he's talking about. I see a lot of that in myself as well. I think, perhaps, I am addicted to my phone.  I have trouble putting it away. I look at it more than I should and even when there is NOTHING to see, I just keep scrolling scrolling scrolling.
Frank and I don't really look at our phones when we go out to eat unless we are discussing plans and need to look at maps or google something so we are doing ok there.  I think I try to be intentional with my phone in public or at work.  But there are still LOTS of times when I am acting like an addict.

I've been pondering this whole blog situation and why I don't feel drawn to write like I used to. Why don't ideas pop into my head like they did in the past?  And I think some of it has to do with the fact that I am always being inundated with information...news, facebook, instagram, audio books, blogs etc etc etc!  I almost always have something playing when I'm working around the house or cooking or driving.  I don't think that was the case in the past. I used to have quiet time more than I do now.

We encourage our young people to make sure to have quiet moments so that they can feel God's spirit in their lives.  And I haven't been heeding that advice.  I'm missing not only God's spirit but also just my old creative self.

And so, I am reevaluating my relationship with my phone today.  Also my obsession with the news.  I know it is not healthy for me.

I can't decide if it is ok for me to go to work without my phone at all. I know we used to survive without a phone all the time, but if I get a text that is important and don't see it until after work, that seems bad. But, again, what is "important" in this scenario.  We are all so used to instant responses!

For now, I think I will use the screen time app to limit my phone use and see how that goes.
Wish me luck because I might be twitchy for a few days...

Why

I'm not sure why I have not been blogging. Work is definitely part of it. I'm tired at the end of the day and I try to accomplish ALL THE THINGS on my day off so I haven't been making time for it.
I also feel like I'm having a harder time putting things into words.
I used to really enjoy the act of putting things into words.
Currently, not so much.
Probably part of that is just getting the practice!
I have a friend who blogs on a schedule, twice a week I think. Maybe if I gave myself a deadline of sorts, I would find it in me to put words out there. To document my life.
Obviously I'm not quite to the point of committing to that! ha!
I do want to write about my trip to Wales. It was over a year in planning so I should definitely document it.

I'll be back.

Soon.

...

Goals 2019

I put my yearly goals on my phone so that I wouldn't just forget about them this year (like I have the last 3 or so years) and I admit, it keeps them more on the forefront of my mind. However, it hasn't yet caused me to actually DO much about it.
It's mid July and I have not accomplished any of my goals.
DOH!

There are a couple that I have definitely been working on so that's better than nothing. Though some of them have been half hearted at best.
There are a couple that I have been avoiding even though I think about them. So that's no bueno.
Should probably do some soul searching on those.

I did save the money I had said I would save but now I'm spending it on a trip to Wales so not sure that counts. I had actually wanted to SAVE the money, you know, like in a bank account.  I can still work on that.

Haven't born my testimony at church at all (had a goal to do that twice)...I hate public crying. gah.

Foot surgery derailed the Larson Cup goal. I am back to working out though so at least I'm headed in the right direction there. Hopefully my body realizes it soon too. :-/
It doesn't feel that long ago that I was actually athletic and here I am now feeling oh-so-middle-aged and frumpy.  This too shall pass. Or not. Whatever...I'll deal with it.

I guess it's time to re-commit to 2019!

Surgery Recovery

Foot surgery went well but recovery has been not very fun.  I guess I knew that it wouldn't be.

My foot hurt and swelled for a long time.

It isn't very flexible.

My toe doesn't bend right.

I don't scar well...it's definitely enlarging and it's still very tender.

I've been enjoying my handicapped parking though.
I will miss that perk though I'll be glad to walk normally and without pain I'm sure.

Addendum:

I'm writing this now on June 27th, almost 4 months post surgery.

I'm starting to feel like I might actually recover.

I'm still doing physical therapy.

I still limp a bit, especially at the end of the day but it's WAY better. There was a time when I couldn't imagine walking normally.

I can't jump or run yet but I can walk.  I even hiked a bit last weekend in Moab so that's pretty impressive (if I do say so myself).

I'm hopeful that this surgery will have been worth it by the time I recover.

*fingers crossed*

Florida

I was super lucky to be able to go to Florida for a week in June. Frank had a business trip and I was able to tag along.

Even though I love my job, I admit that it isn't very flexible. I'm the only one who does what I do and there's no one to cover for me.  I've been lucky so far that when I've had to be gone (for my foot surgery for example) the person who had my job before me has been available to help out. Lori, the front desk person for the other office has helped out on Friday which is when their office is closed. So Frank had been complaining recently of how inflexible my job was and it's been annoying him.  So when I found out about the trip to Florida I said, "I'm going!" and I just went in and told Dr. Free that I'd be gone.  He was surprised but since I was able to get it covered (Yay for Bobbi and Lori again!) he didn't complain.  I felt double guilty when the time came though because when I asked for it off, I didn't realize that I would be missing 2 weeks for Frank's Dad's death. It was totally understood by Dr. Free but I still felt bad at how much I've been gone.

Anyway, I went to Florida!

One of the reasons I was excited to go was because Frank said he would be staying in a Disney hotel and when am I every going to get to stay in a Disney hotel??

Turned out it was a Universal studios hotel. Which is all good except it meant I wasn't close to Disney after all.

I will still hold out hope for a Disney hotel some day...

I spent most of the time lounging by the pool and reading and stuff like that. I spent some time visiting Annavon of course.  And I decided to go to one amusement park while I was there.  The parks are so expensive that I couldn't really justify more than that, partly because of my foot...I still wasn't able to walk very far without pain so it didn't make sense to walk all day more than one day.

I wanted to go to Harry Potter World again of course because it's awesome but to really experience it you have to get a park hopper pass which is extra expensive. Then I was tempted to go back to the Magic Kingdom because it's the classic thing to do.  But those are the two places I've actually been before.  So in the end, I decided to go to Animal Kingdom.  Mostly to see Pandora, to be honest.  I also decided to use a scooter while in the park.

I'll admit I felt like an idiot with that scooter.  Everyone else who had a scooter was either very old, very obese or had a cast on their leg.  Then there was me...looking totally capable of walking yet scooting around in slow speed around the park! haha It was the right decision though.  My foot was much happier with less walking.

This is me in front of the Tree of Life.  It was super cool!

It was also raining at this point but I had to stop for a picture.

Honestly I was happy to walk around in the rain because there were times during the day that I thought I would melt!  So hot. So humid.

I enjoyed the park a lot. The rides, the animals and, of course,  the ambiance. 

Disney does a great job.

Pandora was amazing and so cool.

I stayed til dark just to see it light up and it was totally worth it.

Sadly the pictures don't show how amazing it was.

There is a super popular ride that I stood in line for 2.5 hours to ride.  Crazy.  But the line was actually interesting with lots of stuff to look at so it didn't bother me. Plus the fact that I had to steer that scooter through those switch backs took some brain power! haha

The ride itself is one of those that can potentially make me motion sick (3D movie type ride) but I really enjoyed it.

On our last night of Frank's convention we had the opportunity to go into Universal Studios as a special event after the park had closed. They had free food (Frank found it not impressive), drinks and dessert.  We also had a massive thunder and lightening storm which included sideways rain!  It was pretty crazy and it closed the rollercoaster, of course. We took our free ponchos and went anyway.  It was fun, if wet.

We then spent two days at the beach and Annavon, Lindsey and Mitch came for a day as well. Beautiful weather and a great time.

I took very few pictures on this trip but I was enjoying each and every moment.

Alaska!

When Dr. Free decided to take a Friday off in May, I quickly decided that I needed to go see my grand babies in Alaska!
It was a super quick trip...Thursday to Sunday...but totally worth it.
Branden and Amber were actually getting ready to move away from Alaska so I ended up helping with a yard sale and stuff like that.
I got to go see Isabelle get an award at school and attended her field day.
The same day I got to be "show and tell" for Kaylee's class. Not everyone can say they were show and tell!
We hung out, ate and laughed and I introduced Branden and Amber to a TV show I like.
It was way too short but I'm so glad I went.
I sure love my kids and grandkids and I don't see them often enough!

Field Day!

Face Painting at Field Day

Isabelle feeling under the weather and getting a rash :-(

I took the kids to lunch and then to a small museum about Alaska.

We had a fun time together!

Also, I took very few pictures! What the heck? That's no bueno.

They will be in Michigan for awhile so I hope to visit them there too.  Just gotta get another day off...hmmmm

Cleaning the house

I've known for a long time that I'm a bit scattered. I'm easily distracted and often go from one thing to the next without finishing the first thing.
I've made it work over the years but it does sometimes hit me that I am really all over the place! For example, today I decided to clean entire house. Here is a partial rundown of how it went:

Get out steamer for shower. I hate cleaning the shower so why not start with the worst task.
Notice laundry. Take load of laundry to the washer and start it.
Start Roomba in laundry room while I'm there.
Go back to shower. Realize I forgot a part to be able to start the steamer.
Go to laundry room for part.  See that dryer has stopped.
Take clean clothes to bedroom.
Bed is not made. Make bed so I can set clothes on bed.
Never got the part for steamer. Go to laundry room for part.
Bring back part and plug steamer in.
Get out vacuum while steamer is getting heated up.
Vacuum guest room.
Remember that I wanted to move a picture that is currently hanging in guest room. Take picture down. Try to get nail out of wall...unsuccessful. Need hammer.
Go get container of miscellaneous stuff for hanging picture on wall and place on guest bed.
Notice that trash can in guest room is dirty.
Take trash can to bathroom and attempt to clean it with steamer (that is now ready)
Steam shower for a bit. Trash can not coming clean.
Take trash can to kitchen and fill with hot soapy water.
Finish steaming shower.
Put toilet bowl cleaner in guest bath toilet. (Not the bathroom I was working on. Don't remember what caused me to even go in there!)
Vacuum guest room and office.
Realize there are things in office that need to be put away.
Take books to front room.
See plants that need watering.
Water plants.
Think to self: just finish one thing Debbie!
Scrub guest bath toilet.
Back to office...I will finish vacuuming.
Vacuum for about 5 seconds. See neighbors outside chatting. Feel sorry for self for having no friends. (Ok ok, I know I have friends. Sometimes it just doesn't feel like it)
See comforter in the office that sister gave me that we never use.
Text sister to see if she wants it back.
Decide to sell mirror that is also in office. Think about asking Frank how much to ask for it on KSL. Realize I am out of control and still haven't finished one single thing. Will deal with mirror later.
Finish vacuuming office, hall and entry.  Begin vacuuming family room.
Find hair tie that needs to go to my bathroom.
Pick up hair tie and head toward bathroom...
end up on phone for a few minutes. No idea where hair tie is now.
Found hair tie!
Take to bathroom. Notice that steamer is still plugged in. Steam bathroom sinks because why not.
Frank's sink is running slow. Take a few minutes to unplug his sink/clean drain.
Unplug steamer because I am done with it (one task finished? Well, steamer is not put away yet)

It goes on in the same way for hours...

During the time that I was doing all this Frank was working in the yard.
We were both working the whole time but Frank was systematically doing all the things he wanted to get done on the yard. He started with weeding and does all of it including using the weed whacker thing around the whole yard, then cleaning out the black berries, mowing, trimming and cleaning up.  He now has a beautiful clean yard.
I, on the other hand, have a steamer to put away, one room that still needs to be vacuumed. Two clean bathrooms (go me!) and a dishwasher that was unloaded but only partially loaded for some reason.
The guest room and office still have various things around that need doing, but I did at least get them vacuumed. I still need to go get the hammer.

Travel

I was going to put the title of this post as "Travel Woes" but that sounds kind of spoiled. I am hoping to travel this summer, which is a blessing that I am even able to consider it!  So, no, I won't complain about that fact that I get to travel.
But, can I just complain a bit about the planning of such travel??
Here's the scoop:
My son and his wife live in Wales. I have not seen them in over a year now and I would really like to visit and see them and see where they live.
 I went to London once many years ago for a long weekend to celebrate my anniversary. Frank was there on business so we had a free hotel and his flight was free (to us). It was a great 4 days but that is the extent of my European/UK travels.
I don't really know what I should plan to see while I'm there (probably going for about a week). Since I have been to London I feel like I should try to see some other place...but where?
Also between our schedules and my son and his wife's schedules, we have just a limited number of times that work. The best one is mid July which is apparently an expensive time to go.
Woe.
I've been searching flights pretty much every day for weeks and weeks. They are super expensive (like $1200 per person for the cheap seats = no seat selection and other crap like that). I've been saving so in theory I could buy these tickets but then my money would be gone and I wouldn't have a hotel or anything else. Hmmm.
But maybe I won't have a choice.
So then I start thinking maybe I should go later like September. Unfortunately Frank's work travel usually ramps up in the fall so it feels risky to try to plan a fall trip.
I tend to overthink in general so this planning thing is really making me nuts.
How do people find good deals on flights?
Yes, I've joined some groups, I use a private browser, I use google flights and kayak and travelocity and expedia.  I feel like I'm doing all the things.  Which is probably partly why I'm feeling crazy.
But these kinds of searches are all just into/out of London. Should I be flying into London but out of someplace else?  Is flying into London a bad idea (price-wise)?
My knowledge of European geography is bad so I'm not able to easily think about flying into someplace because it's close to someplace else.  So you can add staring at maps to the list of things I'm doing to try to figure this trip out.

I've basically been googling flights every single day during my lunch break and in the evening. Flights have gone up a bit and then down a bit but always in the 1200-1500 range.  That is so much freaking money!  And I'll be in a middle seat for 10 hours overnight? ugh.

Anyway, I'll update when I actually bit the bullet and get a flight.  Whatever happens, I'll be so excited to see Austin and Katy! (That's what I really care about)

Rug shopping

I have taken too many pictures of my front room.

I have shopped online for rugs for too much time.

I have even gone to a few local stores (though not many due to *the foot*)

I cannot pick a rug.

First, buying a rug online is a big commitment! You don't really know what the color is. Sure it looks ok online but what about IRL?  And then if you don't like it...what? You have to ship it back?? That sounds awful. And expensive.

I'm not looking at high end rugs. I just don't have the cash for that. So it's not like I'm buying something that I expect to have forever. But still, spending up to $300 for something is a big deal in my world.

I have found that some websites allow you to sort of digitally put the rug in your space.  I like this feature a lot.  But I still just don't know what to get.  I'm not super rushed. I'm ok with waiting for the right  rug.  I'm just a little worried that I will never find it.

So if anyone reading this wants to help me out, here are some pictures of rugs in the space from different websites. Help!

First, here's a closeup of my curtain fabric:

I like this rug but haven't found a website that lets me see it "in the room"

I'm also considering this one for the entryway, which is connected to the living room, so it needs to have similar colors and go well with the buffet in the entryway.

Here's the entryway:

Some other views of rugs in the room:

Also, I know I need artwork and stuff but seems like I should pick the rug first? Right?

I really don't know what I'm doing...