Yesterday we got word that my mom passed away at 9:45 am at Ashton Gardens Assisted Living in Mesa, Arizona.
I'm glad I went and visited last month...
It was hard to see her that way but did, in the end, give me a bit of a sense of closure. It also helped for me to see that she was getting good and kind care. Nurse Naomi was a blessing.
When I think about my mom lately, the main thing I think about it how badly I hope that her fate is not my fate. But after I heard about her passing I was able to think more about the person she truly is and was throughout her life. I felt an unexpected sadness. I mean, I had been actively praying to Heavenly Father to release her from this trial...and yet, when she was finally released, it was sad to think that she's actually, physically gone.
My mom was a strong woman. She had a lot of trials but she just did what she had to do to get through it and make it work. From the time I was pretty young, she worked full time and was the primary bread-winner of our family. Sometimes she caught grief for this, as back in the day it wasn't cool to work full time and have 7 kids (later it would be 8 kids!), and she was judged for it. But these judgers didn't know our family situation and how she was doing what had to be done. It wasn't her heart's desire to be a working woman but she made it work and I was always proud of her for it. When we were young, she worked swing or night shift so she was home with us in the daytime. That had to have been very hard! As we grew and left the house, she embraced her role as a nurse executive and became a well known and respected person in her field. She just knew how to bloom where she was planted.
My mom was funny and willing to laugh and smile a lot. My mom had a really great smile and laugh.
I always loved the way she sung the hymns at church, with gusto and love and reverence. I remember as a kid wanting to have all the hymns memorized, the way it seemed like my mom did.
She was a busy executive nurse for many years but I always knew she would be there for me if I needed her. She was a good listening ear and always knew the right thing to say when I was worried about something going on with my kids, especially all the ailments that young kids get. I would just pick up the phone and my mom knew the answer. I could also always call with a sewing or cooking question. I knew my mom had lots of "mom wisdom".
She was super talented in many areas. Painting, cake decorating, nursing, being a boss and mentor, baking amazing rolls and cinnamon rolls, sewing, cooking, cleaning, being patient, loving unconditionally and more.
She had so much dedication and self control. She got up super early to exercise before her work day began. She ran or walked 2+ miles a day well into her fight with Alzheimer's disease...it was just such a part of who she was to exercise everyday that even when other abilities were leaving her, she just kept hitting the treadmill. She hiked Mt. Timpanogos at 62 and competed in a triathlon at 69!
All of us kids talk about how we would wake up to new outfits each Easter Sunday that Mom had somehow made for us when we weren't looking. It was amazing. She always made us whatever kind of birthday cake we wanted. We always had the fanciest, most delicious cakes. Christmas was always amazing though I know my parents struggled financially. Sunday dinner was legendary.
She made my wedding cake and sewed my veil and several bridesmaid dresses. She gave her time willingly. Though she worked full-time when my kids were little, she tried to visit when she could.
When my second son was born, he was extremely colicky. We lived with her for nearly 2 months and she would take shifts during the night to help care for him so I could get some sleep...and she still had to get up and go to work all day the next day! She never complained about any of it. It's like it was a joy for her to help me. She must have been exhausted though!
She knew how to let things go that were not important (well, except maybe Saturday house cleaning). But the things that were important-like family and the Gospel of Jesus Christ-were always first. She played the mormon tabernacle choir in the mornings on Sundays. We went to every church service and activity that there was and I never heard her grumble or complain, though she must have been tired sometimes and wanted to stay home. Family dinner on Sunday was always important to her and our house was the hub of friends and family. Our table was always full and always had room for more.
Her family was her joy.
She retired from her job when she realized that she needed to care for her mother. She and my Dad moved in with Grandma and cared for her in her own home until she died. She was always grateful that she had the opportunity to do this service for her mother.
She lost her oldest son to Leukemia which was a sore trial for her but it did not test her faith. She was faithful and believing all the days of her life. She never stopped thinking about and missing Darryl though. We all take joy in the thought that they now get some time together without the rest of us in the way.
I'm not saying she was perfect, she wasn't. None of us are after all. She got stressed out and impatient with us at times. She yelled sometimes. Admittedly, it was rare though and we liked to push her buttons. When she was working full time and being a mom and keeping a house, things fell through the cracks. I sometimes felt like I was one of those things. Of course, looking back, I see that I could have helped more so she would have time to do fun things with me. But I was a selfish teenager and didn't see that at the time. Even as a grouchy teen, I was super proud of my mom and the woman that she was.
She loved to shop. She loved beautiful shoes. She loved nice clothing that looked professional. She didn't like to get her hair wet or messed up. She was modest. When she would express disappointment in something I did (or didn't do) it was the worst feeling in the world to me. I always wanted to make her proud of me. She used to mail me $20 every now and then at college even though things were very tight for them at that time and they were in the middle of fighting Darryl's illness. I knew she was trying to be there for me even when her plate was very full.
I feel so blessed that she was my mom. She was such an example of so many things. If I can be half as good and patient and kind and talented and righteous, I'll be ok.
I miss her and I've missed her for many years now. I am so glad she has been released from the torture of dementia. It really seemed like such a rip off for someone as smart and kind as her to get this awful disease. But it's a rip off for anyone to get it.
It's hard to write a "final" post about my mom. It feels inadequate to express the woman that she was. I could write pages and pages about her.
Mom, I love you! I know I will see you again and it will be a joyful reunion!
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