Saturday, February 11, 2017

More miscellaneous factoids about me

A couple of my ribs tend to come out of "socket" on occasion.  Not sure why, but I think once it happens, it makes it easier for it to happen again later.  It hurts like the dickens when this happens but usually a trip to the chiropractor gets it all back into shape.  Ever since I started all of this painting at my house, I have one rib that keeps going in and out regularly.  It will hurt for awhile, usually while working or doing things that require bending or reaching up for long periods (think: painting a ceiling or crown moulding) and then after awhile it will go back in and be fine.  I haven't bothered to go to the chiropractor because it goes in on its own.  Weird.
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I'm working on loving myself.
As my mom ages and the dementia worsens, she has a few things that she focuses on: her weight, her hair (or lack thereof), and her thinning eyebrows.
All my life I remember her wanting to lose 10 pounds.  She wasn't obsessed with it and it's not like she talked about it all the time but it was just something I knew: Mom wished she was a bit smaller.  Now it has become one of the things that her brain thinks about all the time.  She's somewhat obsessed with wanting to lose weight.  She does not need to lose weight...I think she weighs maybe 105.  But anytime she eats she talks about how she shouldn't eat that thing and how she needs to lose weight.
I really don't want to spend the rest of my life wanting to lose weight.
Yes, I want to take care of myself.  Be my best self.  Be strong enough to move and lift and do all the things I want to do.  But I don't want to focus on my imperfect body and hate on it.
So, I'm working on it.
Hopefully I will reach a point of acceptance while I'm still young enough that my brain remembers no matter what comes in the future.
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Being a parent of adult children is hard.
I still worry about them all the time.
I don't get that much communication now and I definitely don't have much influence.  I take what I am given and I'm grateful for it.
But it's not easy: the letting go and accepting the lack of information.
When we do talk it's great, don't get me wrong, but they've got their own lives and they are busy.
I get it.
I'm just not crazy about it.
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I have actually reached the point that I can completely forgo a chocolate treat if it is not good, dark chocolate.  I never thought that was possible.  I have mindlessly and happily eaten all the chocolate forever.  But recently I realized that I consider milk chocolate or "bad" (think Hershey's or nestle) chocolate to just be a waste.  And I can usually just walk away from it.  If that's not progress, I don't know what is.

This strength does not seem to apply when I am at a movie theatre.  I have to have popcorn and either junior mints or milk duds.
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When Frank has a business trip, I stay up way too late.
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That's all for now.

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