Wednesday, June 20, 2012

On weight loss

Ok, I'm doing this whole "try to eat better" thing right now.
I fall off the wagon on a regular basis but overall I'm eating better than I ever have.
I wouldn't say I'm really trying to lose weight per se but I wouldn't be angry if a few pounds decided to leave the vicinity. ya know?
So, whenever I'm perusing facebook and I come across some motivational looking sign, I usually click and read.  I know I'll find that magical motivational internet sign eventually and all my troubles will be over.

Anyway, I came across something that a friend had up that said
8 mistakes that people make when trying to lose fat
That wasn't what caught my eye.  It was her reaction.  She said:
"This guy is mean.  I like it."
Now, doesn't that just make you want to go read his 8 mistakes blog?  Yep, me too.

My comments from now on will be in Purple

There is the address to his website.
Here is the list of the 8 mistakes:
(Ok everything he says is so darn funny and/or mean and/or real that I just put the whole thing up.  But really, go read his site, there's lots of other stuff there)

If you’re like me, you suck at the majority of things in life. 
OHHH STOP. Don’t be offended. When was the last time you successfully performed heart surgery? Not reasonable? How good are you at magic? How about yo-yo’ing? Can you hold your own at Magic the Gathering? Bow-staff fighting? Shakespearean reenactments?
OK. So quit your whining. You probably can’t even cut your own hair.
Listen up, and I’m going to lay a beating on a lot of the behaviors that many people engage in while trying to lose weight. Follow my recommendations and you’ll be sexy as hell and win at everything in life. (I think I may have found my magic internet sign!)

 1. You don’t commit. What would you give up to get the body you want and feel amazing? Seriously!
Would you eat only tofu for 2 weeks? Would you give up alcohol? Cigarettes? Television? Your shot at “America’s Next To Eater”? If not, shut your mouth about losing weight. You don’t actually want to. You love talking about it, and the idea of being lean and awesome, but you’ll NEVER get there. (guilty as charged)

 2. You don’t have accountability
You are your own training partner, you decide when you will go to the gym, what your workout is, and when you’re done. Sometimes this works, often it does not. You need to have someone else to help you out with this, that will make you feel a good deal of Catholic guilt for skipping your workout or eating vanilla ice-cream instead of that salad you were going to eat. Whether this is a friend, your neighbor’s 8 year old kid, or a personal trainer, you need someone. Oh I so do!
There are days when you are just going to feel like watching Grey’s Anatomy (hey, I've actually done this!), and skipping your squats. That’s when you need an appointment with someone mean in order to get your ass off the couch, lace up your Nikes and get out of your non-fitness inducing environment.

 3. You follow fad diets. From kicking it with the South Beach, to the Atkins, to a Paleo diet, to eating dirt and glitter for a week, you switch back and forth to what you think the newest best thing is. Here’s the secret: THEY ALL WORK FAIRLY WELL. Pick one and stick too it. Or if you’re not into diets, just don’t eat shitty foods. Everyone knows what those are. Don’t eat bad things. It’s a really easy diet. (Oh my gosh this guy is funny.  Don't eat bad things. It's a really easy diet.  I love him.)

 4. You eat six small meals per day This is not convenient for most people, and actually works against your metabolism. By keeping your blood sugar elevated, you’ll become insulin insensitive (precursor to diabetes) and store more fat. Surprise!
Eat 3 times per day, 2 times per day, or 1 time per day. It’s not going to decrease your metabolism. That’s a myth. If you’ve heard differently all your life, you’ve been lied too. Read more here: How to Eat to Lose Fat
I don't really do this one so I guess I have no opinion but I really like snacking and  I'm chubbers in the midsection so I guess I should just shut up and read more...

5. You only do classes. Here’s another secret for your ass: TONING IS A LIE. You either make muscles bigger, or you make them smaller. They don’t get “toned” or “lean” or “tight”. Quit asking how to “tone” your legs. It makes me angry. You need to lift weights in order to make your muscles better, and make yourself stronger. The more muscle you have, the more calories your body burns every day. Ladies. When you can do 3 pullups and Squat your bodyweight, you wont be huge and vascular, you’ll be lean and badass. You’ll have abs. Moving on. I wouldn't want to make him angry.  Seriously.

 6. You Drink Alcohol. Stop. Obviously. Every calorie you intake while you have alcohol in your system get stored as stomach fat. Need more motivation? Every time you have a drink while dieting, someone leaves a puppy on the humane society’s front porch.  Yay! I do one thing right! But that puppy comment just killed me! Oh heaven's. love.this.guy.

 7. You don’t eat veggies. What are you, 5 years old? Um.

 8. You don’t eat enough protein. This is important because proteins are the building blocks with which a lean body is built. Make sure you’re eating protein at every meal: eggs, fish, beef, chicken and Greek yogurt are all good sources. It’s actually harder to store hamburger as fat in your body, than it is to store whole wheat bread as fat. Get real about that. My bread! My lovely bread! Woe is me.

Ok folks, was he awesome or what?
I feel really motivated but, of course, it's bed time.
Soooo, I'm going to print this out and read it tomorrow morning too!
I still don't know exactly what to do about #7...

1 comment:

  1. Step 1. Cut broccoli
    Step 2. add coconut oil, salt and pepper.
    Step 3. Put in oven for 10 min on 250
    Step 4. Eat.