The dilemma

I know I have too many house projects rolling around in my head at any one time.
But we are at a point right now where we can tackle one of them.
Just one.
If I had to pick a project based on life improvement or how much I want it done, I would definitely choose between getting a new bathroom vanity or fixing the laundry room.
However, the thing that drives Frank the most nuts for some reason is the living room/dining room carpet.  It is disgusting, for sure: totally stained and nasty looking.  But its not one of the areas in our house where we spend a lot of time so it's not really on the top of my list. I use the bathroom and laundry room every single day!
Anyway, Frank has been lobbying to get new carpet in the front room pretty much since we moved in. I have refused to spend money on that because I don't want carpet at all!  I want hard wood floors someday so I'd rather save that money and put it towards the hard woods. So now he is saying we could just put the floors in the front part of the house as our next project.

Here's where it gets tricky.

We definitely could do that plan. Put hard wood floors just in the living room and dining room. We would do the entryway later when we do the rest of the house. The living room is a sunken living room so it has a natural separation.
The dining room, however, is a tiny little room off of the living room. Big enough for a small round table and 4 chairs but that's it.  I don't even think its fair to call it a dining room.
We have used it as a game room where we play cards.
The previous owners used it as an office but I wasn't all that excited to have an office space that was the first thing you see when entering the house.
It's a cute little room, if not that useful anymore, now that it's just Frank and I the majority of the time.

Here is a bad picture showing the location of the dining room in question. I didn't turn the lights on at the time so it's the dark space back there on the right.

Here we are playing cards back in the good ol' days.

Lately my brain has been thinking that maybe we should just wall this room off and make it into a big pantry. I could bring in my deep freezer out of the garage (more room for parking and easier access to food) and move all of the various bulky kitchen appliances into this little room. My current kitchen cabinets  don't really have space for the various  things like mixer, crock pot, instant pot, electric griddle etc that one has in a kitchen so they are currently being stored in a closet in my laundry room. Thus contributing to the laundry room issues.  I would have plenty of space for any dry good, canned good and whatnot as well.  It would be a huge pantry though it's a small dining room.

What I wouldn't have is a dining room/game room.
I also wouldn't have a direct connection from the kitchen to the front of the house. We can currently walk through a door from the kitchen into the dining room/living room. The living room would become a completely separate space.

If I were going to put the house up for sale I would leave it as is. But this is not a "resale value" decision for me. I plan to stay here long term.

Still, I don't know what to do!

If I am going to eventually make a pantry, it makes sense to do it now before putting in hard wood floors. I certainly don't need hard wood floors in my pantry.

So, basically, I am taking what Frank considers a simple project (have someone come install floors in 2 rooms) and making it a big construction project (install a wall, possibly move some doors, put in shelving etc).

Nothing is simple when I'm involved.

And I still don't even know if I should do it!  Help!

Just a little bit nuts

So, I have started going to therapy.

Anyone who knows me well will probably not be too surprised to hear this and will possibly be clapping right now saying "finally!"

But it was time.  I've noticed my anxiety getting a bit out of control lately so I decided to do something about it.

My therapist or counselor or whatever it is that I'm supposed to call him has coined a word that Frank and I have started using in our daily life now.

The word is "awfulizing"

(not sure how it is supposed to be spelled though since it's a fake word).
It means, as you might guess, making everything more awful in your head than it really is.

We quite enjoy pointing out to each other whenever we are awfulizing something.

I awfulize a lot, which is why I'm in therapy.
Frank awfulizes differently than me but he still does it and I have gotten a kick out of letting him know when it's happening.

So, basically, even if I never get better and therapy is a bust, I have a new word to use and a new way of entertaining myself.

I think I just positivized.

Shoulder Surgery

Last Friday, Frank had surgery to repair a shoulder tear. I don't remember where exactly the tear was, just that it wasn't the rotator cuff (like his left shoulder had).

The surgery went well and we are now almost a week post op.

Frank was nervous about this surgery mostly because he has had shoulder surgery previously and remembers how bad recovery is.  But so far, this one is going much better. 

First it was a simpler repair, apparently. Meaning a shorter recovery, less pain and starting physical therapy sooner.

The pain has been significantly less!  This has been a really awesome surprise.

He is already doing some stuff (not really using the shoulder but he can use that hand, which was not the case for quite some time with his last surgery)

The only real "issue" has been that Frank is not a sit around and heal kind of guy. He is freaking ANTSY and wants to go do stuff.

I, on the other hand, have no problem sitting around and don't get bored doing so. I just keep reminding him that he is supposed to be healing and taking it easy.  He generally complies but he is getting crankier as the days go by.

I keep offering to take him to Dairy Queen for a dip cone but somehow that isn't the adventure he is hoping for.  If he had his way we'd probably be driving to Moab already and he'd be saying he can certainly go four-wheeling with only one hand on the wheel.  Heaven help me.

Plants

I love real plants.
There are just so many things to love about a nice plant.
Over the years I have had a variety of plants and I have killed all of them.
I buy the ones that are "impossible to kill" and promptly kill them.
I've killed succulents and ferns and flowering plants and cacti.
I will go for some time without plants after killing one but I always get hopeful and end up buying another plant.
I've tried fake plants a few times but I just don't care for them. Plus I hate to dust so, ya know, it never works out.

I don't remember exactly when but at some point I bought a new houseplant for this house. It's been at least a couple of years now. It was a plant that I recognized as one of those "no one can kill these" kind of plants. It's not my favorite looking plant but I really wanted to have a plant that would live.

and

I hope I don't jinx myself here but, it is still alive!

It's pretty healthy and getting big and doesn't look too bad. Though it's not exactly a statement kind of plant, it is my only houseplant and so it gets a place of honor in my living room.

My Roomba has run over and mangled this plant and it still survives. I have forgotten to water it and I have over watered it. It soldiers on. I love this plant.

Recently Frank and I went to restaurant that had cute but minimal table decorations consisting of a milk glass vase with a small sprig of leaves from the very same plant that I have in my living room.

I was immediately excited because I already collect milk glass and I have that very same plant! What? I know.

I have a collection of pictures on my living room wall and part of that collection includes a small shelf. I keep a milk glass vase on that shelf and have played with various ideas of what to put in the vase: pretty fake flower (looks dumb), whimsical fake flower (also dumb), sprig of fake leaves (nope), twigs (gah!) and so, for the most part, the vase just sits on the shelf with nothing in it. I honestly don't mind it that way but I wonder if it looks unfinished to others? I know I know...it doesn't matter what others think. But bear with me here.

Anyway, I went right home and snipped a small bit of my plant off and stuck it in the vase. It looked pretty good although my leaves are much bigger than the ones at the restaurant for some reason (perhaps a slightly different version of the plant? I know very little about plants.)

And that small bit has lived in this vase for WEEKS now and is perfectly happy and healthy. I even forget to top off the water at times and it just lives on.  It even recently unfurled a new leaf!  I am so impressed.  When it gets too big I will transplant it back into the original pot with it's mother and snip off a new section for my vase.

The success of this little venture makes me want to put snippets of plant in vases all over the place. But I know this would look weird so I try to hold back. Also, as I write this, I wonder when I last checked the water in that vase...hmmm.

It has also made me think that I might possibly be able to get another plant and not kill it. I know, it's crazy thinking but I am *this close* to buying another plant.

Hope lives on!

New Post about Mom

Dementia is an interesting thing. And by interesting I mean awful.

I spent some time with my mom recently to give Dad and Doneen a bit of a break.  She was actually pretty easy to deal with compared to other times but it was an unusual visit.

You see, my mom does this thing now where she keeps a running, out loud, commentary on everything she is doing or thinking.  She does this in the form of retelling a conversation between two people.  Here is an example from this visit:

I walk in and see that mom is wearing a jacket with no shirt underneath.  I find a shirt, bring it to her and offer it to her.

Me: Hey mom, here's a shirt. Do you want to wear this?
Mom: No, I'm fine. I have this shirt (pointing to the jacket)
Me: That's a jacket.  You might want a shirt underneath it.
Mom: And she said you should wear this.  And I said why should I wear that, I have one already. And she said you need to wear it. And she said what are you even doing here, you're just a kid.

So, she makes it clear that she's annoyed by me but in a really weird round about way. Sometimes she says "she said" and sometimes she says "I said" but there doesn't seem to be any kind of rhyme or reason to it. She is sometimes obviously talking about her own feelings at the moment but will say "she said" rather than "I said". And she refers to herself often with the word "we". "We will be fine"...that sort of thing.

She spent a good hour and 15 minutes looking for a shirt after that and all the while she never stopped talking to herself in this "she said" kind of way.  I actually recorded it for awhile because it was so fascinating.  I offered her a BYU shirt at the very beginning which then sort of stayed in her mind somehow while she went through the entire closet and her drawers talking to herself all the while. Sometimes she just pulled things out and looked at them and sometimes she would try them on. She tried on a variety of shirts and jackets (without shirts) until, in the end, she put on the shirt I had originally offered. (though she may have changed again after I left)  Here is some of the recording (my words are in italics, everything else was said by mom.  Only once did she talk directly to me-that part in in bold):

She said here's a good shirt.
And she said how does it close.
She said, just use the zipper.
She said, oh, theres no zipper.
Me: How about this shirt. (Showing her the BYU sweatshirt for the second time since it seemed like that was what she was looking for)
She said, what are you doing here?
To me: I think we'll be fine.
Me: ok
And she said, that's not a BYU one. That's ok. I saw that one.
And she said, Hooray BYU.
And she said, Is that what this is?
And she said, Ok.
And I said, I'm ok. No need to help me. I can take care of myself.
And she said, I'm just a baby and don't know anything.
I said, well, we're all learning so why don't you go help with your other family and then we can all...I can't figure out what happened to that BYU one.
And she said and so we all work together.  And she said the BYU thing was gone.
And I said, why was it gone?
And she said I think some man stole it.
And I said what man?
I think his name was...Oh this is a...this might be a BYU one.  It's a little backwards.
And I said it's a good one.
And I said I couldn't figure out how to get this thing on and then I realized that it was...
And I said, But it wasn't BYU, it was just a blue one and I already have a blue one on.
And I said, you can go back where you came.
And I said, I like this one.  Oh it's kind of pitiful.
So I said, how about this one.
I said, I like it.
I said, well, it has a zipper.
----
I probably find it horrifying mainly because every time my mom does some new crazy thing I imagine that I will do it too someday.  But if I can be unemotional about it, it is interesting to see how her mind is working and how her thoughts jump around but then they will reconnect later sometimes.

I miss my mom.  I'm happy to spend time with her and be of help to her but I miss the person she was.  My mom was amazing and smart and caring. It's hard to remember her now.

If I do get dementia I hope my kids can read my blogs and scrapbooks and things and remember the person I was. But I sure hope I don't get it.

General Complaints

1. My hair is falling out.  Like handfuls of hair every single day. I don't know what's causing it and I don't know how to fix it. Yes, I've talked to my doctor and I'm taking supplements and my thyroid is fine.  The fact that I'm stressing out over my hair falling out is probably not helping anything either. I have a weird skull too so if I go totally bald I am not going to look ok.

2. Cleaning the shower is difficult and annoying and I don't do it often enough.

3. My dishwasher sucks.

4. I think I have a dead mouse somewhere in the house. It doesn't stink to high heaven yet but it soon will.  And I can't find the darn thing! I can just vaguely smell that something is dead somewhere.

5. My windows need cleaning.  I don't want to do it.

6. Grown kids do not call, text or otherwise interact with their mother enough.  Well, at least MY grown kids don't.  If your grown kids do, please DO NOT tell me about it.  I'm having a hard enough time without hearing about someone else's perfect kid. mmmkay?

7. I made a list of meals this week, bought all the ingredients and then made a total of 2 of the planned meals.  I've got ingredients rotting as we speak.  I hate when I do that.

Ok I'm done for now.  Perhaps I will do a post that is general blessings or general happiness next to try to be less of a complainer.  Stay tuned.

A visit to Portland

We went for a long weekend to visit Frank's Dad and help out a bit around the house.

I took an obligatory picture of the Portland Airport Carpet.

Frank knew going in that he would have a few projects to do: his dad had mentioned wanting to power wash the driveway and he has been slowly going through things after Janice's death so we knew there were some jobs around that we would need to do.  I went in assuming that my main function would be to cook. Perhaps make some freezer meals for after we leave and also just feed everyone. As anyone who knows me knows, cooking is not my favorite.  But I was willing to sacrifice for a few days. HA!

I ended up spending a good deal of time going through and organizing pictures. I actually love looking at old pictures so this was not a problem.  The only thing I don't love is the occasional bug I would come across or be surprised by.  ugh.  I didn't do a serious organization of the photos but sorted them into new boxes for Janice's sisters and daughter to go through to take what they want.  I also left with a stack of pictures.
I found old letters and other cool things.  Here are a few that I loved:

Janice's old bible with an inscription from her Lutheran Sunday School teacher.

Janice's childhood glasses (I think? Could be someone else's I suppose). 

They were still in perfect condition and in a cute case. Look how small they are!

Locks of Janice's hair from when she was a child!

Old report cards. Janice was a great student!

Here is a gift from Frank to his parents on their "silver" anniversary.

It is a very Frank sort of gift.

Looks like a broken bracelet but it was real silver. HA! Gave me a good laugh.

These looked handy and I was amazed they had been saved all these years.

I should have tried them out...

There were a number of diaries that belonged to Janice.

I didn't read them all but I got a kick out of one from when she was young that said nearly the same thing every single day: Went to school. Had fun. Played with Lorraine.

Frank's dad said he wanted to get his garage cleaned out a bit and to bring his deep freeze into the house rather than keeping it out in the garage where it is harder for him to get to. The only thing standing in the way was the old family organ which was in the spot where the freezer should go. We called some junk places and looked online at the likelihood of being able to give the organ away and it wasn't looking good. At one point grandaddy said that he didn't want to pay someone to haul it away as he would rather take a sledge hammer to  the thing. Well, my husband is a man of action, so within minutes he had that organ in the yard and was attacking it with said sledge hammer.

We got the freezer unloaded, moved and reloaded without too much difficulty. We cleaned out a bunch of stuff from the garage so grandaddy could walk through more easily.  Frank went up to the neighbor who was out working in his garage and managed to give him several tools, some storage shelves and a table. He was happy and so were we!

After all of the cleaning out we decided to take a trip to the dump rather than have grandaddy try to slowly add this pile of stuff to his weekly trash (we did have the remains of an organ after all and Portland's trash bins are super small). That turned out to be a really good idea and it only cost us like $25 to haul away a car full of stuff.  I do have some guilt over just throwing stuff away so I was glad to see that we could divide stuff into recycling piles and they also have workers there going through and pulling out obvious recyclables. We also made a trip to DI.

We did some cooking but also ordered pizza one night so that was nice. Frank made two pies: blueberry and fresh peach pie. I made the guts and he is in charge of the crust. They were both super tasty.  I made a roast one day and a meatloaf with real mashed potatoes...but I can't remember now what else I made. I didn't slave constantly in the kitchen like I had imagined but I did cook quite a bit. Frank's dad didn't really want any freezer meals so that saved me a bit.

The pie tasted better than it looks in this picture:

Frank and I ate SO BAD the whole time. Sweets and bread and pie and ice cream (two trips to Dairy Queen!).  I was saying to Frank's dad that I promise we don't usually eat this bad...he was skeptical. I don't know what overcame us, honestly, but we ate like fiends the whole time.

Diana, Frank's sister, was out of town while we were there so we didn't get to see her but we will just have to make another trip out soon to see everyone!