Middle age

You know those people?

The ones who act and look "middle aged"?

Some of them were probably like that when they were 20, at least it's hard to imagine them any other way.

Well, I've never considered myself to be one of them.

Today, due to a simple but true comment

I came to the realization that I am one of them.

And it has made me very depressed.

I consider myself:

Young

Fun

Vibrant

Quirky

Easy going

Funny

I know what kind of fashion I like

And it is not middle aged.

But guess what? 

I don't wear those clothes

I don't buy those clothes

I am drawn to them and then I think

I need to lose 20 pounds first

I need a cuter hairstyle

I need to wear makeup

And I walk on by

And purchase something large and comfortable to wear "in the meantime"

Something, let's be honest here, frumpy and middle aged.

I'm not young.
I'm 46

 I think I'm less carefree than I used to be.
(darn cancer)

I have aged a great deal over the last two years

(Just another thing I'll lay at cancer's doorstep)

So
What's my point?
I realized today
that I am middle aged.
truly
And I am not one bit happy about it.