Tuesday, July 30, 2013

What should I be when I grow up?

I have a confession to make.
I'm having a mid-life crisis.

I know.
I already had one in my thirties!
But this one is different than that one.

I have one child left at home
My husband has gone through (is going through?) a major health crisis
and I find myself wondering what it is that I should be doing with myself.

Oh, I have plenty to keep me busy.
But I feel like I should be preparing somehow.
For a career or something...

Frank thinks I should figure out what will "fulfill" me
whether it makes money or not
and go back to school if I want to

I feel more like I should get a job of some sort
But I've always been a nickel and dime kind of person...
Meaning, I think small.
I save change.
I work menial jobs.
I think in more of a day to day kind of way.
for example:
When I see a "help wanted" sign I feel like I should apply.
I have no desire to work at a convenience store but they have a help wanted sign!  
They need help!

He doesn't see the point in working some lame job if it doesn't make me happy.
and he has a point there.

But I don't know what it is  that I'm supposed to do!

The thing I love to do 
I am done with
(or almost)
and that is raise my kids

While I was raising them I had many other interests, hobbies, jobs and even went to school
but they were always my focus.
Now that I can put my focus on me, I'm at a loss.

The one thing I know about myself is that I'm good with people.
(My family should just stay silent at this point...
I'm way better with other people than I am with you all!  haaaa)
I want to do something where I work with people.
But there is a huge variety of jobs that work with people.

And I don't think I want to go back to nursing...so don't tell me that one.
I've really thought about it and I don't have that desire anymore.
I've lost it.

When I spent all those months in the hospital with Frank
I really thought I would get the desire back
I mean, I watched nurses for hours and hours every day.
 And all I could think was...
Ugh. I don't want to do that.

I know it might come back if I went back for refresher courses but then again, it might not.
And right now I am not feeling it.
So, here I am.

It's not like I have to decide today
But it's sort of weighing on my mind.
It comes back to me on a regular basis...
You are 46 and you don't know what you want to be when you grow up.


  1. What about being a professional photographer? I don't know, maybe you have done that already. Take up sewing, knitting, something you love to do but haven't done in a while.

  2. Do what my mom did- get a stupid retail job at a store you love! She could be an accountant, but she loves working at the GAP. You get to 'shop' a little by keeping an eye on all the fun new stuff that comes in. If it were me, I'd get a job at a craft store. :) Good luck!

  3. Great post! I feel like a lot of women find themselves in your very spot! We spend our whole lives focusing on raising our kids which is the ONE thing we want to do most, and do it well without the distraction of a career. Then...before we know it they are grown up, and we no longer have that full time fulfillment we once had.

    I'm not going to be any help. I am glad you are figuring this out before me, so someday I can call you & say "what do I do with my life now??" ;)

    I think just being "aware" that you need/want something for yourself is a great step, and I beieve you will happen upon something one day that makes you say "oh, I'd love to do that". Even if it IS working at the GAP. :))

  4. You are singing my tune! I'm tired of graphic design but I don't know what other field I want to pursue. Not a clue! I DO enjoy my hospital job...maybe there is an administration job or admissions job at a hospital. You'd be helping people without having to be a nurse. Our hospital lists jobs as Clinical or Non-clinical. You could take a peek. You never know!

  5. Funny, I kept thinking "Aren't you a nurse? You already have the experience AND the degree!" but then I finished your post. I still say nurse. :) But Alice does love being the only accountant working at the Gap, and that discount is hard to pass up (especially when buying for grandbabies).