What should I be when I grow up?

I have a confession to make.

I'm having a mid-life crisis.

I know.

I already had one in my thirties!

But this one is different than that one.

I have one child left at home

My husband has gone through (is going through?) a major health crisis

and I find myself wondering what it is that I should be doing with myself.

Oh, I have plenty to keep me busy.

But I feel like I should be preparing somehow.

For a career or something...

Frank thinks I should figure out what will "fulfill" me

whether it makes money or not

and go back to school if I want to

I feel more like I should get a job of some sort

But I've always been a nickel and dime kind of person...

Meaning, I think small.

I save change.

I work menial jobs.
I think in more of a day to day kind of way.

for example:

When I see a "help wanted" sign I feel like I should apply.

I have no desire to work at a convenience store but they have a help wanted sign!  

They need help!

He doesn't see the point in working some lame job if it doesn't make me happy.

and he has a point there.

But I don't know what it is  that I'm supposed to do!

The thing I love to do 

I am done with

(or almost)

and that is raise my kids

While I was raising them I had many other interests, hobbies, jobs and even went to school

but they were always my focus.

Now that I can put my focus on me, I'm at a loss.

The one thing I know about myself is that I'm good with people.
(My family should just stay silent at this point...
I'm way better with other people than I am with you all!  haaaa)

I want to do something where I work with people.

But there is a huge variety of jobs that work with people.

And I don't think I want to go back to nursing...so don't tell me that one.

I've really thought about it and I don't have that desire anymore.

I've lost it.

Gone

When I spent all those months in the hospital with Frank
I really thought I would get the desire back
I mean, I watched nurses for hours and hours every day.
 And all I could think was...
Ugh. I don't want to do that.

I know it might come back if I went back for refresher courses but then again, it might not.

And right now I am not feeling it.
So, here I am.

It's not like I have to decide today
But it's sort of weighing on my mind.
It comes back to me on a regular basis...
You are 46 and you don't know what you want to be when you grow up.

Coffee anyone?

I recently got a new neighbor here at the condo.

She is a very nice lady and we have had a few conversations.

So one morning she stopped by the house unexpectedly and invited me to coffee.

I know this is a perfectly normal thing to do but I'm a Mormon and I've gotten myself into some awkward situations in the past by not making myself clear upfront in this area...

So, my  response was

"I'd love to!  I don't drink coffee but we can just get together and talk it would be great."

She responded

"Oh ok.  Tea?"

"Ha Ha.  Well, I don't drink tea either.  But really, I'd love to just get together it doesn't matter what we do."

"Well ok, how about friday morning at my place."

So the date was set.

I had a few difficult days between her invitation and the day of the get together and even though I intended to make some sort of food to take over, I never got it done.  argh.  So lame.  So I went over there empty handed. Which I felt bad about...

So I go in and she says,

"I have some water boiling for tea...but you don't drink tea?"

"No, but really I'm fine!  I'm really more of a water person"

"Ok, well I did make some banana bread!  Do you like banana bread?"

"Oh sure!  I love banana bread!"

I watch her cut the bread and, dang it, I notice something...

"oh shoot!  I'm allergic to nuts"

"Oh no!  I knew I should have asked you!  Even while I was making it I was thinking, don't put nuts in unless you ask her if she's allergic.  Hmmm.  Do you want some toast?  I could make you some toast?"

"No really, I'm fine!  I'm happy to just come over and talk"

"Really I could make you some toast"

"Ok toast would be fine"

She pulls out her bread and its chock full of all kinds of seeds and nuts.  So she starts reading the label and it lists the nuts I'm allergic to.  I was trying to say that it would probably be fine in such small quantities but she doesn't want to feed me any nuts. (even though my allergy isn't the kind where I'll die at your dining room table)

So she finds another type of bread but she only has a couple of pieces.  I tell her its fine.  And she puts it in her toaster.

We are chatting and it's a perfectly enjoyable time.

The toast burns a little.

She's mortified.  She has no other bread to offer.

I tell her it's fine.  I butter it and put some jelly on it.

She offers me eggs.  She feels terrible that I've come over and she's feeding me burned toast and water!

I wish I could tell her how much the whole back and forth about coffee, tea, water, banana bread, nuts, toast and eggs has made me chuckle inside.

How it is so ME.

It's not her fault...I just invite awkward situations.

I think how it is another experience in my life that I just have to share with my friend Donna and she'll say, "another episode in your sitcom".

It was an awesome morning.

And after all the food nonsense, we did have a lovely conversation.

Coming back...

I've been gone for awhile and I don't really have an explanation.

Life

Moving

Apathy

And

Laundry

Have all conspired to put this part of my life on the back burner.

But I'm back and I plan to stay.

Why?

I miss blogging.

I miss the fact that blogging serves as a journal of sorts for me and, lets be honest, my memory is not fantastic.

So having this blog is much better for me than, say, Facebook.

Facebook is good for little updates on friends and for giving small tidbits of information 

But I'm really more of a story person.

So whether anyone reads this or not, I will be here

Writing my stories.

And just a warning, I will likely go back and write some things from the past few months...

Prepare yourselves.

Here is a picture just for fun.

My cute granddaughter, Isabelle

Awe!