Sleep

Sleep eludes me these days.
Oh not completely, but I get less of it than I want.
I stay up later than I should because even though I feel tired, when I lay down I don't fall asleep.
My brain keeps whirring away.
Then I finally fall asleep and there are two possibilities:
1-I sleep fine for a few hours and pop awake around 4:30 or 5:00 and I'm done.
2-I sleep fitfully, waking about every 2 hours or so until I wake for good possibly around 6 or 6:30

I usually find myself very sleepy around 2:00 or so and sometimes get a nap which is awesome.
I sometimes find myself very sleepy as I drive to or from Boston which is not awesome.

Sleep is such a strange thing.  When you are so tired, why can't you sleep?

Truly too much information

Frank was admitted to Mass General Hospital on January 10th.

He was neutropenic at the time, meaning he had a low white blood cell count.  An inability to fight infection.

I promptly got a cold.

That meant that I couldn't visit him.

Couldn't even go near him.

Shortly after that, when I was able to visit again I got a cold sore.

Germs, viruses, argh!

Keep your distance.

He was severely neutropenic by now due to chemotherapy.

The kids got sick.

I got sick again.

Visits ceased or took place through the glass door.

Frank got sick.

Fevers.

Heart trouble.

Pain.

And I have a lingering cough even though I feel fine.

I will be honest, you start to feel paranoid of all the germs that might be lurking in your body waiting to infect your loved one without your knowledge if you get too close.

So you are careful.

Why am I telling you all this?

It has now been 53 days since I have been able to kiss my husband on the lips.

I miss it.

I miss him.

And all of you reading this who have husbands or wives or significant others...do you take it for granted?  

That little peck in the morning or before you drift off to sleep?

I'm sure you do.  I did.

It's just a little part of your day.

Sure it means something but its not like its all full of meaning every time you do it.

You might even forget to do it sometimes.

We did.

I was busy getting breakfast.  He was in a hurry to get off to work....

I hope I never take it for granted again.

or maybe I hope I get to the point that I do.

But right now I'd give a lot to feel safe enough and for Frank to feel well enough for us to just have that simple little peck on the lips.