Rug shopping

I have taken too many pictures of my front room.

I have shopped online for rugs for too much time.

I have even gone to a few local stores (though not many due to *the foot*)

I cannot pick a rug.

First, buying a rug online is a big commitment! You don't really know what the color is. Sure it looks ok online but what about IRL?  And then if you don't like it...what? You have to ship it back?? That sounds awful. And expensive.

I'm not looking at high end rugs. I just don't have the cash for that. So it's not like I'm buying something that I expect to have forever. But still, spending up to $300 for something is a big deal in my world.

I have found that some websites allow you to sort of digitally put the rug in your space.  I like this feature a lot.  But I still just don't know what to get.  I'm not super rushed. I'm ok with waiting for the right  rug.  I'm just a little worried that I will never find it.

So if anyone reading this wants to help me out, here are some pictures of rugs in the space from different websites. Help!

First, here's a closeup of my curtain fabric:

I like this rug but haven't found a website that lets me see it "in the room"

I'm also considering this one for the entryway, which is connected to the living room, so it needs to have similar colors and go well with the buffet in the entryway.

Here's the entryway:

Some other views of rugs in the room:

Also, I know I need artwork and stuff but seems like I should pick the rug first? Right?

I really don't know what I'm doing...

It's all in your mind

Several months ago I decided to grow out my grey hair.

This decision took me a long time to make for some reason (maybe it's about accepting that I'm getting older?...I don't know why exactly).  I have a couple of friends who have gone grey and I think they look great but they have all silver/grey hair and I know that my hair is only partially grey. I wasn't sure how it would look.  I'm almost all grey at the temples and front of my head but mostly still brown in the back.  Somehow in my mind, having grey hair at the temples has always looked manly to me.

*And, yes, I spell grey with an "e". I can't seem to accept the spelling gray.*

But guess what? turns out that I don't mind my grey hair so far.

At first, my hairdresser put some highlights in so that when my grey started growing in, it wouldn't be so noticeable. Blondes are definitely luckier when it comes to this.  Grey hair really stands out against dark brown hair.

For years now, whenever my roots started growing in, I would be somewhere between annoyed and horrified. OH NO! Must get to the salon!  I look awful! I look old! etc etc etc

But since I decided to let the grey hair be grey hair...it doesn't bother me a bit.

It was all in my head. (ha!)  But seriously, I thought it looked awful or manly or whatever because I didn't want it there not because it actually looked awful or manly. Now that I've decided it's supposed to be there, well, it's just hair now.

It isn't all grown in by a long shot so I might change my mind about it at some point (which I totally give myself the right to do) but I'm actually kind of digging it right now.   My hair has a lot of different colors going on: darker brown, lighter brown, darker grey, lighter grey and even some that might be called white.  It's kind of cool.

I wonder what other things in my life are the way they are simply because of my attitude?

Engaged!

Carter got engaged to Harley Thorpe!

They have been dating pretty much since we moved here so they've been together a long time.
It's funny because we knew it was coming (he's had the ring for some time now) and he had told me that it would happen over spring break.

So once he did finally propose, in our minds it was like, "yep, they're engaged officially" but it's not like it was a big shock or anything.
We've just been waiting for it to be official.
So it didn't really occur to me to call anyone or text anyone when it happened.
I didn't want to post on facebook or anything until they had announced it themselves. I don't want to steal their thunder, ya know.

They called the parents that night and told us, which was fun! And they did put it on facebook. And Carter personally texted or told his brothers and maybe his grandparents (haha not actually sure about that).

Then, people in our neighborhood started coming up to us all excited "CARTER'S ENGAGED!" and we are like "Oh yeah, he is!" They sometimes seem surprised that we aren't going around announcing it and freaking out.

We even went to a family party and Carter asked me if I had told everyone. I told him that I assumed they had learned on Facebook but that it was possible that some people still didn't know. Oops!

I realized it was because in our minds, he's been engaged for awhile! Haha it just wasn't known to the whole world until this week.

We are excited and happy for them. They are a cute couple!

We don't know Harley's family well yet, but we really love Harley. (Her family raised a great girl and they love my son, so I am pretty sure they are awesome) I think our house is pretty boring compared to hers...she's still got siblings at home plus an adorable nephew...but she still comes over and we play cards and eat dinner or whatever. She's easy going and handles Carter's joking quite well! Being able to handle the Hill sense of humor is important if you're going to marry in.

The wedding won't be for about a year so don't go asking me about details yet! Lots of time to plan. (Not that I will be planning much...my job as mother of the groom is, I believe, to shut up and show up. Ha!)

Carter is a romantic at heart and he had a pretty big plan for proposing. They actually took a spring break trip to Europe and he proposed in Paris with the Eiffel tower in the background!  He had it all worked out to meet Austin and Katy in Paris and they all spent time together. Austin was on hand to catch a picture of the big moment.

When the proposal is big like that, I don't know how you deal with the honeymoon or anniversaries afterwards! haha He's setting a pretty high bar.

Congratulations Carter and Harley!

To Eternity and Beyond!

There's a first time for everything

Today, for the first time in my life, I paid someone to clean my house.
It's been 12 days since my foot surgery and I am still quite useless. I spend the majority of my day on the couch with my foot up on pillow, often with ice packs as well.
Frank has done a good job keeping up with food and dishes and laundry. But there's been no vacuuming and no one has touched the bathrooms either.
He has a stressful job and I just can't bring myself to tell him at the end of a long day when all he wants to do is watch a show and eat some dinner that he really needs to scrub the toilets.
And so I hired someone.
Two very nice women came cleaned my bathrooms and kitchen. They mopped (I really don't do that often enough), swept, dusted and vacuumed. The house looks awfully nice.
I felt weird sitting on the couch while they worked but at least I have a good excuse, what with the ace bandages and scooter and whatnot.
It's obvious that I'm not just being lazy.
If it weren't so expensive it would be tempting to have someone else do all those things I don't really enjoy doing. But I think this will likely be a one-off unless my recovery is much slower than I'm hoping.
It's funny how you notice things when 1-you have guests coming or 2-someone is coming to clean.
Suddenly you see how dusty everything is. You notice your gross microwave. You realize you don't mop often enough.
When it's guests, you get to work so as not to embarrass yourself.
When someone is coming to clean for you, you still want to tidy up for them, but it doesn't make a lot of sense. Since I was basically incapable of tidying up, it wasn't that hard for me. But Frank did find himself putting things away and emptying trash cans before they were supposed to show up.
That made me laugh, I gotta admit!

Foot surgery

Yes, I am having foot surgery in a couple of weeks. March 1st to be exact.
I'm nervous about the recovery and how I will manage my life while not being able to walk normally. When I met with the surgeon he spent a lot of time discussing the possible scarring I will have and I just kept thinking "who cares about that?!" It's my foot, not my face.  What I want to know is, will my foot stop hurting? Will I be able to walk and run? How long til I can walk normally again?

So, this all started years ago.  I remember going to a podiatrist with foot pain back in Massachusetts (so at least 5 years ago) and he told me I had sesamoiditis. Like tendonitis by my sesamoid bones (bottom of the foot, if you don't know). He gave me some shoe inserts and offered me a steroid injection which I declined.

Over the years this sesamoiditis has flared up occasionally. Whenever I get serious about working out, it comes right back and I end up on the couch where I really want to be anyway. I figured I knew what it was so I never went to the doctor.

But the pain finally got to be too much for me so I went to an orthopedic foot specialist. He x-rayed my foot and found that I have not only sesamoiditis but also two fractures. One in the sesamoid bone and one in the bone that goes to the big toe. Hmmm no wonder my foot hurts!

We did some things to keep the foot stable in the hopes of having some healing and he sent to me physical therapy. The pain never got any better.  So we followed up with an MRI.

Turns out that somewhere along the way, the blood supply to that little sesamoid bone was disrupted and now that bone has died.  Did you know a bone could just die? The tendons are inflamed and one is slightly torn.

So the treatment for this situation (called osteonecrosis) is to remove the bone. Apparently this little bone can be removed and there is not much of a problem. I don't totally believe this but that's what they say.  If the other sesamoid bone dies (there are two) then I will have a bit more of a problem since they act as levers for the big toe.  So, once I recover from surgery I have to wear inserts to take some of the pressure off of those bones for the foreseeable future. I have high arches and very tight calves which contribute to me putting more than the normal amount of pressure on my sesamoid bones.  Who knew?

Because of my painful foot, I have been altering my gait without realizing it and I have developed pain in that knee as well as pain and tendonitis in that hip.  I am a mess, I tell you!  The physical therapist says that being in a boot will likely exacerbate those conditions.  So by the time my foot is improving, I will likely have some work to do to get my knee and hip feeling better too.

I'm just dreading the whole thing!  But my foot hurts enough that I'm willing to go through it.

It makes me feel old.  And it makes me wonder if I should just accept being a pudgy middle aged woman rather than imagining myself becoming an athlete again.  I swear it wasn't that long ago that I could do stuff...bike, swim, run, lift weights etc.  That's not how it is right now and it sucks.

But also, I love being a couch potato.  It's a conundrum.

So embarrassed for *those* people

I will admit to being part of a current trend or craze going on...
and that is Marie Kondo.

I read her book ages ago and I liked a lot of her ideas but I will admit that as I read about the anxiety she felt as a child when things were out of place or the joy she felt in "tidying up", I couldn't help but think she might have some sort of undiagnosed mental illness going on.

Nevertheless, she has some good ideas for purging and organizing.
I have always loved to organize so it was right up my alley, truth be told.

At the time of reading the book, I did some things she suggested...I started folding my socks a certain way (though I never did the thing where you put both socks inside each other-I didn't need Marie Kondo to tell me that stretches out the socks!), I got rid of things that didn't spark joy, I started using some boxes inside my drawers to help organize them.

And then I pretty much forgot about Marie.

And now, she is on Netflix and everyone is talking about her again.  Everyone is trying to figure out if their jeans spark joy or not.

So, when Frank was out of town, I watched the show.
It got me going again, thinking I should do some more purging and organizing.
Her name has become a verb. I decide to "Marie Kondo" my clothes.

Here's the thing: As I watched the show I was embarrassed for and disgusted by the sheer amount of stuff those people had.  I know there are lots of people who have too much stuff and, yes, I admit  I am probably one of them.  But there is no freaking way I have as much crap as those crazy folks on her Netflix show.  When those people put their clothes in a pile, it was just plain ridiculous how much stuff they had.

So today I pulled out all of my clothes.
Ok, maybe not all.  I have some summer clothes in bins in the basement which I did not lug upstairs.  I only went through the clothes in my closet and dresser.  Oh and the few things that I have in the closet in the guest room.  And I didn't do my shoes which are also in my closet, the guest closet and the basement.  Perhaps you can see where I'm headed with this...

(and I don't consider myself a person who has a lot of clothes or shoes. Certainly my friends would never consider me to be a fashionista with lots of clothes)

The pile was embarrassing.

In the end I purged 2 1/2 trash bags of clothes.  Not the huge leaf size bags, just the kitchen trash bag size.  Still, lots of stuff.  I took a picture of the pile of hangers left after the purge and even the hanger pile was embarrassing.

A surprising number of things still had tags.  I can, at times, be an impulse shopper.
I did keep about 10 items that still "spark joy" but that don't currently fit me.  If they still don't fit me the next time I do this, they absolutely must go.  mmmkay?

Next, I believe I will tackle the summer bins and shoes.  No sense putting it off.

I might as well Marie Kondo the whole place.
I will be so freaking full of joy it'll just be unbelievable.

Looking Back

I got a text from Carter up at college asking a few questions about Frank's time fighting cancer.  Turns out he's writing a paper and it involves that time of our lives.  It made me kind of...nostalgic (which isn't quite the right word). But it caused me to go back and read all of the announcements I put up on the Leukemia/Lymphoma society page that we used for keeping people in the loop during that time. I also ended up reading all of my blog posts from 2012, the year Frank fought cancer.

Even though I was pretty honest in my updates, I certainly tried to keep a positive outlook most of the time. I tried to keep my sense of humor and my sense of gratitude.  Several times tonight I have found myself all choked up as I thought about how hard it all was.  But no matter how hard it was, the important thing is that he lived! He lived and has minor side effects in the scheme of things.  He is doing great now.

Amazingly I have forgotten some of it. Like childbirth I guess...you forget some of the hard stuff so that you can survive it.  But reading those entries and emails kind of brought it back.

I have guilt that I wasn't all that my kids needed during that time. I have guilt that we have gone back to our old ways of not truly appreciating our lives or each other.

But I am also proud of us for surviving it and being there for each other through it.  We did it imperfectly for sure but we did it.

And all I can do now is continue to do whatever I need to do, imperfectly.

I'm glad I have those emails and blog posts and memories though.  It reminded me of why I blog.

And even though my life now is kind of boring, I will document what I can because it matters. I matter. My family matters. My experiences matter.